I knew i was different from my friends at a young age, 11 to be precise. I can remember it like it was yesterday, even though its been three whole years.
my best friend had texted me telling me she had something to tell me but didnt know how. i told her it was okay and she could tell me anything. thats when she came out to me. it got me thinking. i knew that there was something different with me and it got me thinking that, maybe this was it. i told my cousin how i felt and she told me that she loves me no matter what. even though she didn't exactly know what i was talking about.
for the summer and the summer after i took the time to think. it was stressful and put a lot on me, but in the end i was able to accept that i was a girl who likes girls. i didnt, and still dont, label myself because i honestly dont know what i word i would use.
a year later i started to like a girl, who liked me back. i had found a safe space on youtube watching people like Shannon Beveridge who was able to be open and be herself, and that gave me the motivation to be like her. confident and inspiring. watching her videos made me feel like i belonged and that i had a place to go (even if it was just youtube) to be myself.
soon enough my intriguing thoughts turned into depression and my mom could see a complete change in who i was. i was sent to therapy where i learned to talk through how i was feeling. my therapist was, technically, the second person i told. soon enough i told my mom, who loved me for who i was. she offered all the support in the world, and she still does. i eventually told my dad, that didnt go as well. he claimed to be accepting yet he makes jokes all the time and doesnt really respect who i am.
telling my friends was easy. they all accepted me and pulled me into hugs one by one. telling me nice things about how they love me and accept me. it felt great to be myself, and just to be happy with who i am.
dealing with my dad has had its ups and downs. but having people around me who love me makes it easier. and having people online such as Shannon Beveridge and Fletcher have also made it easier for me to feel comfortable and myself in my own skin.
Dealing with my dad wont be the easiest thing for a while. i needed time to accept myself so he probably just needs time too. and if it never resolved then i know that the pain i go through wanting him to accept me, just isnt worth it and i need to focus on loving myself for who i am and focus on the people who love me for me.
im teaching my little sisters about this and explained the best i can, they have already accepted me even at the ages of 2 and 7. i couldn't be more grateful and happy to have the incredible friends and close family that i have. i love them all and will forever appreciate how much they have helped me.
thats my story
