Waking up.
When I was younger I never used to wonder about the Outside world. Never used to question anything other than the comfortable life I shared with Uncle. I never realised how lucky I was, in those years. Had I known back then, how much things were going to change, I don’t know if I would’ve done anything differently. Would I have not taken things for granted? Would I have treasured each moment? Would I have done something to try and stop it from happening?
The smell of smoke and sweetened meat is intoxicating, and I have to check myself from diving headfirst into the smell. Eagerly I set our meal on the worn wooden table and grin at Uncle. “Really? This is unbelievable. How did you find a deer at this time of year?” His smiles at me, pleased at my reaction. This is quite the occasion. Meat is a rarity these days, becoming even more scarce during the winter months. He must have hunted for hours and hours in the bitter cold these past days to get such a treat for my birthday. His warm baritone answers “Anything for the birthday girl. I can’t believe you’re so old… just 16 years ago you were just some might of a thing.” He shakes his head, almost unbelieving, and raises his meat to his mouth for a thoughtful chew. I smile gently. Truth is, we don’t actually know when my birthday is. One of the drawbacks of being raised by a stranger I suppose. I have no memories of my parents – only the bedtime story he used to tell me over and over.
It was a dark, stormy night (all the best stories start like this), and Uncle was just about to sit down to eat at his table when he heard crying from outside. At first he just passed it off as the wailing of the wind (for he told me, many a man had been tricked by a howling wind that can sound like man or beast). But a moment later, he heard it again. He quickly rose, put on his coat and opened the door, only to find me, a small infant, wrapped up in warm furs and crying on his doorstep. He paused and stared in disbelief, only to pick me up and hold me to his chest. Instantly, he told me, instantly I ceased crying and started cooing softly. His eyes searched far and wide for whoever brought me there, but whoever it was had disappeared into the cold. He looked back down at me, his ‘little miracle’, and his lips slowly curved into an easy smile. Rocking me in his arms, he turned and walked inside.
As I think on it I begin my meal. It’s delicious, incredibly so, but my mind is on other things. How old was I when he found me, his ‘miracle’? He told me I was an infant, but I was no longer a baby. ‘One, maybe two?’ I venture. ‘ So how old would that make me now? I’ve celebrated 16 birthdays from the day when he found me so… seventeen’, I decide. ‘I must be seventeen.’ Pleased at being able to place a number, some form of identity to myself I dig in, savouring the taste. The meal doesn’t last long and my belly is soon full and satisfied. I try to hide a traitorous yawn with my fist, to no avail. “Off to bed, sleepyhead. I’ll clean up here.” Uncle kisses my forehead and shoos me upstairs. “I won’t be here to wake you up tomorrow morning; I have to get up early and go hunting again.” he calls. I frown, but don’t complain. He’s been heading out hunting more and more lately, and more and more often he’s been coming home empty handed. It probably wasn’t wise to waste such a rare haul on one good feed, but Uncle can’t resist trying to treat me on my birthday. My thoughts come slowly as my mind clouds with sleep. He tries so hard. I yawn loudly before collapsing into bed and falling into a deep, comfortable sleep.
~~~~~~
I wake suddenly, bolting upwards with sweat covered limbs, panting heavily. It takes me a moment to realise that I’m awake and that it was just another nightmare. I close my eyes and try to breathe through my nose but the adrenaline is still running through my system. It was so real… I jump out of bed quickly and open the shutters, hoping to shake of the lingering shadow of my nightmare with some sunlight. Thankfully, it is just past dawn and the golden sunlight calms me bringing a sense of serenity and a welcome escape from the terrors of the night. I breathe in deep the crisp morning air and relax. Yes. Air is good. The oxygen brings much needed clarity and I stay there for a while, just watching the sun rise.
