Days ago, not too long I met a girl, we'll name her sarah, so this sarah is not like any other girl that I've ever met, she so unpredictable, one minute she has this painful sad face that it just tears my heart, and the second after she puts on this wonderful smile that can wonders, it just brings joy to the heart.
I can see a lot of myself in this particular one, I've been there, where she is now, I know how it feels to be alone, to be dependent of other people, when you feel like the less wanted one in the group, the feeling of fear, afraid from the future, afraid of what might happen, where are you gonna sleep, what would you eat, waiting for charity from people that despise you, and that just makes you hate yourself for all of what you couldn't do, you lose confidence in yourself, you start believing those rumors, thinking low of yourself, and it's just a vicious cycle of self torture.
If you ever read this I just want you to know that I'll be here, everyday, I'll just be there, I'll share your ups and downs, I'll help you with all I could, I don't want to be just like those spectators, watching from afar.
and you try again and again, and you keep getting disappointed by the ones you thought closest to you, it's just like the world doesn't care about you, god doesn't care about you, you ever think if he's aware you're alive, and you wonder what did you ever do wrong to be like this, to live like this ... it just brings memories, good ones, memories make us who we are, without those, it's like we never really existed.
but you keep believing that it'll change, and you can't help but notice that everybody's just talking to you because it's what needs to be done, the most lonely feeling on earth. you feel emptiness, deep inside. And wherever you turn your head those looks of despise and hate, but you just can't stop falling, and people refuse to pick you up, one after another, alone, thinking things over, talking to yourself seeing it over and over, how things would've been, if nothing happened, if everything went as planned, what you hoped to be, to have, what you wanted.
And now it just kills me, I've never hated myself as much as now, I just wanna die, I wanna hide my face cause I just can't look at hers, I so ashamed because I can't do more, I'm not enough to fill the emptiness in her heart, emptiness left by people.
It was always about others, about family and what needs to be done, to make everyone happy, that was the life she wanted, that was the life I wanted, just to be there for everyone, and yet, one again you get slapped in the face, seeing you closest ones abandon you, to the world that they're supposed to protect you from.
I want you to be strong, cause it's the only way, stay just as you are, keep believing, cause just like you I do, believe that people are good, yeah they sure are, and what makes you so innocent is your faith, faith in humanity, I'm here to help, to guide, just to be there as long as I can, as long as you want, and like you said, you and me, we'll die by the same knife I don't know about you, but I mean it ... and here I go again mumbling stupid things again, anyways, thanks for reading, I'll keep you updated
