Like never before

Chapter 1

I am a person who walks on the crumpled pieces of my so called little dignity which still resides under me. I hold no apprehension, I redeem through every vile webs and hold no accountability for the bad. I am selfish, I am brazen. But it feels like a different century I have entered, where I don't know who I am anymore.

My hands are clammy, my heart they have reached a speed of their own accord. The paper crumples in my hand and now it's just a figment of my dream. The paper rolls out of my hand and tumbles on the glistening floors. My eyes flicker to the paper now lying under the chair I was resting a moment ago before my world came crashing down in front of me.

I tried convincing myself that maybe there will be more better opportunities that will approach me. Maybe this was just not what I wanted. But my convincing skills have turned futile, cause all I can think right no is how mindless I can be. I was 18 when I decided that working for an 'A' Lister publishing house is what I want. People tried convincing me to leave such a remorseful career and concentrate on something solid, but me being stubborn decided to take the hard path. My mom always told me
that I couldn't be fazed by any emotions. she said I was cold, I was ruthless. But I knew I was just trying to stay strong from the world.

When I was 8, my mom gave birth to my little sister. Eva was the size of my palm! She was beautiful with dark mossy hair covering her small head and beautiful dull green eyes and pale skin. My elder brother James had held my hand throughout the visit to the hospital, he knew I was sacred though I tried acting brave. He knew me from head and toe he was my strength and my barrier from the harsh world. I held his hand tight afraid of loosing him to the harsh world. The moment James saw Eva he was fascinated by her beauty. I could feel his fingers losing the grip he had on me moments ago, I tried searching for his hand but it was gone. My small brain convinced me that Eva was born to snatch my strength away from me. A little along the way I realized it wasn't Eva. It was me. My own fears had drowned me in self pity. That's when I realized I can't live a life of misery I had to be strong I had to be ruthless.

My heart tells me that this is an act of affection and selflessness. It tells me that, rather of grooming and calling names, you should applaud for this generosity. But my mind is still stabbing me hundred daggers for this absurdness. I try convincing myself that I am happy with the decision I made, but my inner turmoil is killing me. My eyes flicker the tears waiting to gush down. My mouth has turned dry and I've lost my voice somewhere deep down. I couldn't see the same Emily pierce, the years of toughness was now washing down the Ganges, I had lost myself .

A tap on my shoulder dragged me back to reality, I staggered a huge breath and calmed my muscles down. Putting a smile on my face will require a huge amount of strength. I pushed my hands in my trousers and turned to face my cousin Ginger she was ecstatic. Her eyes gleamed with glee. She held her acceptance letter twirling it around her lean fingers. She then placed the letter in front of me to have a look at it. My breath hitched In my throat after I laid my eyes on the stamp at the corner end of the letter. It read "Words Inspire.Inc". The same firm I had applied for. I removed my clammy hands from the pockets and build the courage to take the letter in my hand. My skin felt hot under the letter, I felt I would burn to ashes in a moment. I opened it with my trembling hand and scanned the letter without dwelling on a particular paragraph for a long time.

"Congratulations, you are now a part of our team."

That's the only thing that caught my attention and moisture in my eyes started taking its courses. Before I could create a mess of myself I folded the paper back and handed it to her with a fairest smile I could come up with.

'So, what do you think.?' Ginger asked me, twirling the letter again in her fingers.

'I think you'll do great.' I say , turning away from her to pick my folder and my handbag from the chair I had plopped on. I had to get out off this place as soon as possible. This place was like a black hole right now trying to suck me in. Ginger smoothed her hair and picked her purse and then she started strutting ahead in her leopard print pumps. She was a perfect example of a upkeep woman, she had no care in the world. She lived on peoples expenses. A few day before she came sobbing at my doorstep that her husband of 3 months had abandoned her for her housekeeper. I felt like laughing at that moment, but immense control stopped me from losing my insanity. She had sobbed her heart out for days and then she had decided she wanted to get back on her own feet which now brings her here.

A few days back I had no issue on stepping on people's dream. But today here I am offering my only dream to my cousin, without thinking twice. I feel like I have betrayed myself. But then again they say an act of selflessness will someday get me the best of what I want. But that someday isn't near I can say. All I know right now is that I Emily Pierce has performed an act of kindness but instead of being happy all I can feel is pain staggering in my chest and making me numb thoroughly.