The New Girl (A PCA Story)

Chapter 20

"What about her??"

"Stacey DILLSEN?? No way!" Logan looks at me in disbelief at the fact that I even just suggested Stacey as his date to the Valentine's Dance.

"Come on, Logs, she seems...nice?" I say as sincerely as possible.

"Seriously Emmy? Do you want your best friend to be walking around as the full fledged King of Cotton Swabs?" Logan has a look of serious disapproval on his face, but I can't help but laugh at the thought of him wearing a crown made of cotton swabs.

"EMMA! Stop imagining that! Get to work, help me find a date!"

"Okay, okay," I respond. I really want to help him and see him happy. But, truth is, I can't see Logan go to the dance with someone without my heart breaking. I know I walked myself into this and I know that I shouldn't care because I'm dating the hottest guy in the school, but I do care. I want him to have the perfect girl, but I guess I just lose a little bit of me if I know I lose a little bit of Logan to another girl. I don't want her taking my best friend, but I have to understand that he's gotta find someone some day. But just knowing that he wanted me kills me inside. I don't know, I'm still having this internal debate, but me and Logan haven't talked about it in months. He thinks I'm just fine and it's gonna stay that way.

"Emma, I know it's hard for you. I know you're still confused," Logan says, putting his hands on my lap.

"Logan Reese, get over yourself! I'm dating Dean, seriously! I've had enough of this! Maybe I was confused at once but I made my decision and it's Dean, NOT you!" I practically yell out of frustration. My cool, calm, and collected shell has broken. That right there, that reaction of mine, shows how I am still torn about this. And Logan knows this.

"Em-"

"No, Logan! We are in public."

I get up and walk to my room. I don't need everyone in the lounge hearing my conversation with Logan. I know he's following me and, luckily, when I get to my room, none of my roommates are there.

"Emma, what the hell?"

"Logan, I know that you know me better than anyone. I know that you know everything about me and I know that you think you know how I'm feeling. And I know my words are probably so hard to process right now because of how much I'm using the phrase 'I know' and I'm sorry about that, but you know what I'm going through. Or at least you think-"

"EMMA KANE STOP!" Logan yells at me.

I look up at him, he has that look in his eyes, the look he gets when he feels pain.

"Emma, I know what's going through your mind and I know that saying it out loud is gonna make you hurt even more. I want you to follow your feelings but I know that you have everything going for you right now and that you don't want to give that up. I understand that. I want to make you as happy as Dean makes you, but I also know how upset ending things with Dean would make you. You feel like no matter what you do, you're gonna be upset. I understand how you feel."

Well, Logan hit the nail on the head. I couldn't have said that better myself. But now is time for the hard part.

"Logan, every time I look at you I just feel this feeling. Like I want more. But I'm happy with Dean. So happy with him. And you're right, I don't want to end what I have with him. And I don't want to end what I have with you but,"

I take a deep breath, preparing for the hardest words I've ever had to say in my life,

"but I have to let you go."

"What do you mean?" A concerned Logan asks me, lightly grasping my arm with his comforting, strong hand.

I push his hand away from me.

"Logan, we can't be friends anymore."