Lost Soul

Its always the nicest people that get hurt the hardest. Its always the nicest people that get let down time after time. Its always the nicest people that get taken advantage of ,its always the nicest people. I've been hurt,I've been let down and I've been taken advantage of. 

I let myself fall too hard,I never thought this would happen. I didn't believe there was ever such a thing as love until I let myself fall for him. I don't want to love him but I can't stop,I'm at a place where I thought I'd never be. Maybe it was all meant to be a lesson,a lesson to never fall in love and never have faith in someone. Everything happens for a reason and its possible this was to show me that love is a bad thing and I'm not cut out for such strong and powerful feelings. 

I like to think I'm strong and smart enough to let go but I can't its like he's cast a spell over me. I know I have to stop this,I have to come to terms with everything and realise that he doesn't want me anymore,but its easier said than done.

I don't want to hurt anymore.

I don't like being this way,I don't like the feeling of being empty inside I feel like a lost soul,I've lost who I really am. I never thought that one person could have so much control over me after knowing each other for less than a year,I fell hard and fast.

I'm holding back my tears.

Nobody understands,I'm going through this alone. I want to pour my heart out and just tell somebody,anyone how I'm feeling. Keeping all this in is killing me inside. I don't know how much longer it will be until I brake down. I'm not the girl I used to be,full of life and smiling at any given moment instead I'm a unhappy teenager with no life all because of one boy. He's ruined me,yet I regret nothing.

I want things to go back to how they used to be,before everything changed,before I got hurt so badly by the person I trusted most. He knew me better than anyone else,I told him my deepest darkest secrets,I shared my whole life with him. I want our late night chats,our long Skype calls,our everything back. I miss him,I miss us. 

I can't imagine being with anyone else,I can't even imagine ever getting so close to a boy again after him. I honestly don't think I can develop such strong feelings for anyone else but him. He was my first love.

He was perfect for me,so alike yet so different at the same time. We balanced each other out. He's different to all the other boys,he cares more about his education than partying every weekend and thats what made me so attracted to him,he doesn't do stuff to fit in,he focuses on his future and knows the importance of school unlike most boys these days. I like that he's nerdy. 

I want him back.

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Thank you so much for reading the first chapter of my new story! It honestly means so much to me. I really hope that you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I hope that some of you girls and of course boys will be able to relate to this,know that its normal to feel this way and you aren't alone. Please leave me some feedback,good or bad I don't mind I'd like honest opinions to help me with later chapters. Thanks again,much love xmelonsarecoolx   X