DNA

Chapter 1: How I Met Your Mother...

     We were sitting in our favorite spot, looking at our favorite view. We watched as animals of all sizes and shapes strolled past us, pointing out some of them and talking about them. We held hands, as we always did, and she leaned against me. I pointed out one of the birds, a goose, to be exact, and looked at my love. "Remember that one?" I asked, and she nodded her head. "What was I THINKING? Why didn't I name it by it's sound? Heck, why didn't I name ALL of them by their sounds!?" She burst out laughing, then gave me a kiss on the cheek. 

     "You were still alone, with no woman to properly organize everything." She teased. It was kind of true. While I was still young enough to not know everything, but old enough to make decisions, my best friend had taken me to a spot he had and asked me for a favor.

     "Hey, I need a gigantic favor from you." He had asked.

     "Name it, and I'll do it."

     " So I just got a whole lot of animals, but I need someone to document them. Oh, and you can also name them if you want. I don't care what you call them, they just need to be called something." I had nodded, stating that it was no problem and that I would be glad to do it. Long story short, I was horrible at the job but I got it done. I documented them, but I was so busy being confused. So I had a "smart" moment and grouped all similar looking animals together and named them the same thing. My home boy could add numbers if he wanted to name them all individually. So brilliant, right? But then my love came to my rescue. (And yes, this chapter is basically backstory, but I think it's the best backstory of all.)

     I don't care what your parents or friends or people on TV tell you. Animals. Don't. Make. The. Cut. You NEED human interaction, you NEED to have someone you can share your inner thoughts and feelings with. Sure, I had my friend, but he wasn't with me all the time. So I started getting lonely. It was a weird feeling, since that was in my blissful days. I didn't feel pain or anything, so this was super freaky. I told him about it, about what I was feeling, and he nodded in understanding. "I feel that..." Then he got a look in his eyes, that look when someone has a bright idea and they're going to surprise you with it. He looked at me again, trying to hide a mischievous smile. "Hey. Are you thirsty? I just made some tea and I can get you some." He offered. I agreed because as soon as he mentioned thirst, my throat felt parched and I realized how much I needed a drink. He got up and got me some tea, perfectly warm, and I drank it all. I'm pretty sure he slipped something in there because I was passed out in a few minutes. Like, I'm-not-waking-up-for-days type of passed out.

     This is the best part. When I woke up, I was in my bed, and the most beautiful creature was leaning over me, her eyes filled with concern. The first thing I uttered, very softly, was, "Whoa, man." I was in awe. My best friend sure knew how to hook a brother up. She blinked and repeated, "Woman?"  I hadn't expected her to hear me, so I just did what I had done for my friend. 

     "Um, y-yeah. Woman." Let me tell you, the name-it-after-the-first-thing-you-think-of approach works every time. I was so smart. 

     "Nice to meet you, Woman!" she had exclaimed, smiling at me. I was shocked. I already had a name. Clearly she didn't get that email. 

     "Nooooooo no no no no no. My name isn't Woman. I thought that was YOUR name."  she had stopped and thought for a moment, then looked at me. 

     "I don't have a name. But I'll take it! So, if your name isn't Woman, then what IS your name?" 

     "You can call me..." I thought, trying to think of something cool. "Man!" I uttered, my brain was not helping out. 

     "Man? I like it!" How in the world she heard me, I will never know. But, she liked it, and I'm not one to argue with what the ladies want, so I just went along with it.

     "Right! Man! You can call me Man." And that's how I met your mother, kids(I realize that most of you aren't actually my kids, but my love thinks it sounds cool so I say it when I can. It also embarrasses my real kids. #dadgoals).

     We had many good years after that. Now, married life isn't easy. It was really hard in the beginning, and we kind of had a falling out with our best friend, but we eventually learned how to push through and stay together. I still can't believe I named that darn bird "Goose" out of all the other possibilities.