"Can we talk?"
"Sure." Mike stepped aside, opening the door wider to let her in. She crossed her arms over her chest, stepping into the house slowly.
"Do you want some coffee? Tea?" Mike scratched his head nervously. He wasn't sure what to say after he'd tried to kiss her and been pushed away on their third date the night before. He thought maybe she didn't feel the same way he did.
"I'm okay, thank you." Carrie smiled nervously. She sat down on the couch. Mike took a seat next to her at the other end, angling his body so that he was facing her.
"I'm sorry about tonight. I shouldn't-" Mike began, but Carrie quickly interrupted him.
"No, it's my fault." Carrie said softly. She took a deep breath. Carrie knew that once she told him about Sam, everything would change. He would no longer look at her quite the same. Instead of the carefree, happy girl she appeared to be, he would now see the hurt and damage that remained deep in her eyes. He would try to act the same, but as everyone else had, there would always be a very faint feeling of sorrow and pity in his voice when he was around her. Nothing would stay the same after this night.
"I uh, I have a lot of trust issues." She said nervously, her voice extremely quiet. "My ex husband was very abusive."
She looked up from the ground, seeing Mike's shocked expression. "I really like you Mike, I just. It's really hard for me to trust someone again. I haven't even been on a date since I got divorced. He left a lot of damage and I guess I just got triggered."
"Carrie I'm so sorry." Mike was speechless. He had no idea what to say at all. Ivey had warned him when she set them up that Carrie had been through a tough divorce and was fragile, but he had no idea what that meant. He wasn't expecting this.
"It's okay." Carrie shrugged. "I'm sorry I took it out on you last night. I didn't mean to freak out. I really do like you a lot. It's just going to take a little bit of time to trust you. I get it if you don't want to wait around. I can't be like every other girl. I'm sorry."
"You don't have to apologize Carrie. I'm not going to run away. I don't mind taking it slow. I'll go as slow as you need me too. I just want to spend time with you."
A smile spread across Carrie's face. Mike could see tears glistening in her eyes, threatening to fall.
"Thank you." She whispered, the smile still covering her face.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Mike asked hesitantly. "You don't have to. But if you want to, I just want you to know that I'm here."
"He just has really bad anger issues. I don't know why, he didn't have them when I met him. He was so wonderful at first. Looking back, there were lots of signs, but he was my first serious relationship and I was so amazed by him that I ignored them. It got progressively worse, and once Madeline was born, it was like all of a sudden he let his barrier down and was a completely different person. He'd go off at the drop of a hat. One second he would be happy and sweet and then the next thing I knew he was screaming at me over nothing."
"Did he ever hit you?"
Carrie nodded. "More often than not, there was some kind of physical contact mixed in with the yelling. Usually a shove or a grab. There were times that it was worse though. One night he told me he wished I was dead and pushed me down the stairs. I broke my arm and had to get 6 stitches on my forehead. That was the worst night. He pushed me down and then just left me there alone."
Mike was taken aback. He couldn't find any words. He couldn't even fathom how someone could treat someone so horribly. He couldn't imagine how anyone would be able to do something so cruel.
"I should have left right then. I was so stupid." Carrie's voice cracked as she spoke. She was trying her best not to cry, but her emotions were beginning to take over. "He apologized profusely. He took care of me and treated me like a princess for the next couple days and I fell back into his trap. It didn't last long. He always did that after a bad night. I guess that's why I never left. He kept telling me he would change, that he was sorry, and even though I knew it wasn't true, I forced myself to believe him. I wanted to believe him. But he never changed. He manipulated me into letting it be okay. It was just a terrible cycle that I didn't know how to get out of."
"I-I don't even know what to say." Mike shook his head. "I'm so sorry Carrie. I can't imagine."
"It's okay. I mean it's not, but it is. I've had a lot of therapy. I've come a long way since I left him. It took me until about a year ago I finally accepted that he had sexually assaulted me. It took me a really long time to say it out loud. We had sex practically every night even though I didn't want to. He didn't care when I said no. I thought that because we were married, it was okay. Married people had sex a lot, so I told myself it was fine and it was just me. I didn't realize it was rape. For a while I made myself enjoy it, but after a while I gave up and didn't even try to enjoy it or push him off of me." Carrie had begun to cry. Of all the things he did, the sexual assault has taken the biggest toll on her. It had caused the most lasting damage, much more than anything else he'd done. "I just laid there and let him force himself on me night after night. I was completely helpless against him. I was basically numb. I went through the motions every day and put on a front and didn't know how to get out."
For some reason, she felt like she could be completely open and honest with Mike. She'd only known him for two weeks, but she felt like she'd known him her whole life. She felt comfortable with him, and she wanted to tell him everything.
"I wish I had something better to say than I'm sorry." Mike slightly chuckled, Carrie doing the same. "I'm just so sorry Carrie. I can't imagine what that was like. No one deserves to be treated like that."
"I promise I would never do anything like that to you. I'm willing to be patient and do whatever you need me to do to make you feel comfortable. I would never hurt you Carrie. No one deserves that, especially you." Mike continued. He hesitantly took her hand in his, and she didn't pull away. "You deserve the world."
Carrie blushed, looking down at the ground to hide her red cheeks. Mike made Carrie's heart flutter. No one has ever been so nice to her.
She glanced up and saw his sparkling blue eyes and pearly white teeth. Without even thinking, she leaned in, and and felt his lips against hers.
Mike smiled. He brought his hand up, caressing her cheek gently with his thumb. Their lips moved together in a passionate yet slow movement. It was gentle and full of love.
Carrie smiled against him. Mike made her feel loved and important, something she hadn't felt in a long time. Mike was the first person to make her happy.
