Terrified

Loving Him is Scary

Moving to back California has changed my whole life for better or for worse I'm not completely certain, but I met a boy and the way I feel for him is indescribable.

     After moving to California  (from Arkansas) I enrolled in a new school. After enrolling and realizing I knew no one . I didn't care at first. I wanted to be alone. Me myself and I was all I needed. I didn't want any girl or guy coming into my life and making me fall for them or trying to become my friend just to stab me in my back. Eventually though I thought i should get to know a few people.... just in case.

     So I turned to good old Facebook. I added a bunch of people, but one profile stood out to me. The profile was a picture of slytherian.

Me being the nerdy person that I am decided I need to be friends with this boy. I sent him a friend request. I snooped around his profile and looked at his old pictures and I saw his face. The face of a boy who would soon steal my heart.

     He isn't usually the kind of boy I would find cute. Him being a short, skinny, white boy with side burns who screamed country. He was the totally opposite of any one else I had liked or been with either because they were a girl or a thick emo white boy. He decided to accept my friend request and that started it all.

     Again me being a nerd I shared a magic the gathering post of a cute sweat shirt. He commented how cool it was and I was surprised!  I asked him if he played and he said he did. I told him I was still learning and that I love playing. He offered to help me learn some more. After that he messaged me on messenger. He told me to text him any time I had any questions and that he'd love to play against me. I told him I would love it to. We talked about our decks and our playing style.

     One thing led to another and we started talking about were we lived, our future plans, some of the things we love. We talked for hours and hours. We talkd about him joining the military and how that's why his ex dumped him.  We talked about how we were such nerds. We shared childhood stories and our love for Harry potter. By 1 am he was tired he wanted to sleep and he told me goodnight and that he loved talking to me with a promise of talking that morning when he woke up. That night I went to sleep with a smile on my face and it continued many nights that followed. We stayed up taking in the early morning hours talking again as soon as we woke up.

    Soon school was getting ready to start again Christmas break coming to an end. He asked if I would like to meet his friends and hang out with him. I was ecstatic. I could not wait to meet this boy. I was already starting to develop a crush on him. That first day after break I got on the bus with my heart racing in my chest. He told me to meet him in the library and when I walked in and saw his face my heart dropped. He was so handsome. I thought he was cute in pictures but seeing him in person my jaw wanted to drop.

      He introduced me to his friends and we began our banter that morning it's what happened later that came as a shock. During lunch he invited me to sit with him and I gladly accepted having no other friends. I sat next to him and I stayed pretty quite as he talked to his friends only talking occasionally. During lunch one of his, well now they are our friends, katelynn asked if we were dating. I immediately turned red as we both said no. Lunch soon ended.

     After school and throughout the whole day I was asked if we were dating.  I kept saying no, but katelynn came and talked to me after school while we waited for the bus. She asked again if we were dating. I told her no but I admitted I liked him. I told her I didn't think he felt the same and i  was scared of rejection. She told me she knew him and she knew him well enough to know he liked me. The same thing i would be told for almost a month before I got the courage to tell this older very handsome boy I liked him.

     How I told him was quite comical actually. It happened over text and went a little something like this.
My dork (that was his nickname on messenger): hey
Me: hey, so ya know your friends ship us right?
My dork: yeah
Me: well I ship us too and I hope you ship us too

He said he liked me too and we left it at that for about 3 weeks and we acted like we were dating but we weren't.  He said he was busy and wanted to have time for me before he asked, and I was fine with that but I got frustrated. I finally got the guts to ask him. I made a magic card to ask. It said " tap to upgrade to boyfriend status." He immediately put the card on the table and tapped it. I turned and hugged him I was so happy. Things have contunited strong and well for four months now. He treats me right and makes me feel loved, but I'm also scared.

      The other day my dad found out he is 18 and I am 16. Even though we only hold hands and occasionally peck on the lips my dad has an issue with it. My dad is threatening to make us break up. My dad is only mad that I didn't tell him. Every time I mention my boyfriend he ignores me pretty much. When he met him he just said hi and took a nap. The day he threatened to make us break up I was a mess. The thought of losing him made me physically sick. I spent the day crying, puking, with a head ache, and a muscle spasm. I had a harsh ache in my chest all day. I felt like I was dying. I felt like I just wanted to kill myself I was in so much physical pain at the thought of losing him. With everyone else I have been with I cried for 5 minutes cut my hair and I was fine, but the thought of losing him alone killed me.  It terrified me  that one boy means so damn much. It still kinda does, but this boy these past months has been with me through a lot. He has seen me at my worse and at my best. He has dealt with me drunk and he has dealt with me high and through it all he has only tried to make me the best me and worried about my happiness.  He has made me feel nothing but loved and cared for even when I'm an annoying brat he still makes sure I'm loved and cared for. He is everything I've ever dreamed of and more. I never want to lose him. I want to spend the rest of my life loving him and being the best I can be with him.