I stand right behind the line that divides the stage from backstage, unable to move. I just stare at it, like that line decides my future. Which is crazy to even think, because it's my choice. Mr. Mazzu said I could do whatever version of the scene I'm comfortable with, so am I comfortable kissing Jeremy? I still don't know what I'm going to do. I guess I'll know once I'm out there.
My body is actually shaking. I close my eyes and take a deep breath to relax. I look up from the line, watching the scene that happens just before mine and I catch Jeremy's eye. He's standing on the opposite side of the stage, in the exact same spot as I am, waiting for our cue. He just smiles at me, but then he presses him thumb against his bottom lip. I guess he wants a kiss. But he just kept doing it, and then I realized that I'm a fucking idiot. I have food on my face. I take my own thumb and wipe off my bottom lip and then check my thumb. It's chocolate from the Reese's Peanut Butter cup I'd had backstage. Jeremy smiles and gives me a thumbs up. I smile back, embarrassingly.
I put my head down to stare at the line again. Why isn't Jeremy nervous? Wait, I know. He's out and proud to be. I admire the confidence he has in himself. I could never do what he does. Snap out of it, Simon. I shake my head at the ground, look back up, and nervous-smile at Jeremy. I wipe my sweaty hands on my khakis. Why am I so nervous? It's just a kiss, I've kissed Annabelle before and haven't felt this nervous.
I almost miss my cue to walk on stage and start speaking. When I get to the center of the stage, my eyes shift to the audience. Because of the spotlight, I really can't see anyone except for the people in the first two rows. Why am I out of breath? I took like, 4 steps. Jeremy comes up beside me and sits down on the ground. He starts to recite his own lines as I sit down next to him. His voice is so soothing. He's so relaxed and professional while I'm just a hot mess. When I say my next line I look into his eyes, trying to transfer some of his confidence into myself. They're saying 'just relax, you've got this', and so I listen to them. I focus on the scene and put all my heart into it. I felt safe on stage with Jeremy. It felt right.
"When we look back on this day, thirty years from now, tonight will seem unbelievably beautiful." I say, staring into his eyes.
"And in the meantime?" he says, shyly.
"Why not?"
Once I finish singing "Word of Your Body", I kneel down next him and maintain his gaze. Suddenly I start to lean into him without even knowing I'm doing it. I put my hand on his cheek, close my eyes slowly, and kiss him. He tastes like wintergreen Tic Tacs. Dammit, I should have taken a mint or something before this scene. I probably taste like sweat or possibly Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. I lean into him more and he does the same. My hand moves from his cheek to the back of his head, gripping his hair. When I open my eyes it's completely dark. I let go of Jeremy and run off to my side of the stage.
I feel like my heart is going to burst out of my chest at any second. Did that just happen? Holy shit I just did that. I just kissed a boy. On stage. In front of my family. I feel a smile come across my face. That was one of the best scenes I've ever done for a school production. I turn around to see if he's on the other side of the stage. I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn around to see Jeremy.
"Great job, Simon."
When I turn around I almost trip over my own foot. "Thanks, yeah, you too. Thanks for pointing out the chocolate on my lip. That could have been embarrassing." I scratch the back of my head.
He chuckles. "Oh yeah, no problem. Although I do love Reese's."
I let out a nervous laugh. "Yeah sorry about that. Whenever I'm nervous I start to eat like crazy. Probably should have taken a mint. Sorry."
"Seriously, don't worry about it. It was good."
"Good, yeah, okay, cool" The scene is over but I'm still freaking out. I do not understand emotions.
I see Michael approaching us out of the corner of my eye.
"Guys, that scene was amazing!" he says.
"Thanks", Jeremy and I say, almost simultaneously.
"Yeah, we almost had to start clapping for you guys to realize that the scene was over. That's how you know you're a great actor. You get lost in the moment."
I wanted to ask what he meant by that, but Jeremy was here. I didn't want to embarrass him or myself.
"Yeah, thanks" I start back pedaling towards the stage door.
"Where are you going?" Jeremy asks.
"I've got to go to the bathroom" I say quickly as I push open the door. I needed some air and time to collect my thoughts.
There isn't anyone in here, so I put my hands on the sides of the sink and just stare at myself in the mirror. Suddenly, I start to recognize all the features of my face. I notice my tomato red face with small beads of sweat all over it. My brown eyes, semi-crooked nose, hella great eyebrows, dark brown hair, and smooth lips. My lips, oh my gosh. Just seconds ago I was kissing Jeremy Travers. Holy crap, who am I? What am I? A tear comes down on my check. Why am I crying? I splash some water on my face to wash it from all my emotions. It doesn't help.
The bathroom door creaks open and I jump. I quickly wipe the water off my face with my sweatshirt sleeve.
"Simon?" It was Jeremy's voice.
"Uh, yeah?" I clear my throat, trying to sound less nasally.
He comes around the corner of the divider that's in front of the inside of the bathroom door. Although I keep my head down, he notices my watery eyes.
"Are you okay?" he asks, sympathetically.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." I sniffle. "Let's get back out there." I walk towards the exit.
"Wait" he stops me with his hand on my shoulder.
"Are you sure?" he asks again.
There's a moment of silence with his hand resting on my shoulder. Finally caving into my feelings, I say,
"No..." I take a deep breath, "Can I ask you something?"
"Anything."
I look up at him, "When you look at me, what do you see? ... Who do you see?"
He raises his eyebrows and opens his mouth, like he doesn't know how to answer.
"Nevermind" I start towards the door.
"No, no, no, wait" he stops me again, this time with both hands on my shoulders. He drops them after a few seconds and continues, "When I look at you, I see an amazing actor. And singer. A compassionate person. Someone who would do anything for anyone. Anything for his family. And stands up for what he believes in..."
I sigh with a grin on my face. He goes on, but I'm immediately relieved by what he's said so far. Almost instinctively, I tilt my head and kiss him while he's still speaking. He's caught off guard, but I feel him kiss back. Somehow, this feels right.
I pull back after what feels like forever. We both deeply inhale with smiles on our faces.
"Wow." He says, "That was..."
I finish his sentence, "Unbelievably beautiful"
His smile lights up the room as he laughs. I look into his eyes again and we just stand there in silence. I open my mouth to speak, but someone knocks on the door.
"Simon? Jeremy? Come on, you guys are in the next scene. Get out of the bathroom!" yells Michael.
"Coming" Jeremy says, slightly raising his voice. He opens the door for me and we start running to the stage doors.
