Kiss me: Kill me [Complete]

11- Before

Joe smiled dopily into space as Luke and George rocked with laughter.

"Joe," George leaned closer to his vacant gaze, "is anyone in there?"

George playfully tapped Joe's head which made Luke fall forward laughing. His eyes streaming with tears between chuckles.

The shadow of the industrial estate seemed to hide us pretty well. But I was aware of the smell. It was overpowering, anyone who wondered in this direction would find us out. Susie caught my eye and I knew she was thinking the same thing. She rolled her eyes and stood up impatiently.

"Luke we should really go- it's getting late."

"But look at him!" Luke stammered as he pointed in Joe's direction.

Joe rocked from side to side. He was still smiling at nothing in particular.

"He looks a mess," she sneered and turned her nose up, "come on, Luke."

"Ahh lighten up Suze," George interjected while lightly bumping Susie's arm, "you should have had some."

Silence.

Susie's expression was lifeless for what seemed like an eternity. But then she turned and smiled at George, showing every one of her perfect white teeth.

"Not all girls are like you, George."

George opened her mouth and then closed it. She looked down at the ground and she looked a little smaller then. Like a wild animal cornered. Vulnerable.

"I'll have some," a voice from within me said.

They all turned to me then, even smiling Joe stopped and looked at me. I would have turned and looked at me if I could. Me? Drugs? This doesn't happen.

"So, are you going to stare at me all day or can I have some?"

"Yes mam," George beamed as she rolled a joint for me. She did it skilfully, with well used hands, before popping the cigarette in my mouth. She flicked the lighter and lit it for me. Our eyes locked for just a moment and my insides turned to jelly. That was before the coughing ensued.

George looked at Susie, then Luke, then back to smiling Joe and they all burst out laughing.

"What?" I spluttered between puffs of the repulsive joint.

"Oh go on then," Susie said, "if little miss perfect can then I'll have to."

George rolled another cigarette, even quicker than last time and placed it into Susie's open tan lips. She flicked the lighter once more and lit the joint. Susie's full lips glowed against the flicker of light. It hit her dark skin and seemed to shimmer. She was golden. George seemed to linger near Susie's lips before the joint was lit, hovering near her face. Too close. My heart hammered at the sight of them- I could have ripped the cigarette from Susie in an instant and then crushed it in her face. But I didn't. I stood there, a spectator, as always, letting it happen. The melting plastic against the gold.

Susie slowly took a drag and then smiled as she leaned back. She fell next to George and they sat together, laughing and joking between puffs. I'd never seen Susie look less like, well Susie. It was like watching a teacher off duty; unnatural.

I slumped next to Joe sulkily. Why is she choosing her over me? Susie of all people. Joe's head suddenly rolled onto my shoulder and broke my chain of thought.

"Can I have-" he stammered as I tried to wriggle free, "can I?"

"Sorry?" I asked as I leant away from him as I noticed his eyes lingering on my lips. I swear he's about to dribble at any moment. Why do I have to deal with this?

"Chips!" He spat out before laughing hysterically to himself. And this is what she's set me up with.

George turned to us and she chuckled at the sight of Joe and me.

"That's not a bad idea Joe," she said playfully, but then her voiced changed to a lower tone as she yelled "Chips!"

"Chips!" Luke chimed in as he scuttled closer to Susie and wrapped his arm around her.

Susie smiled at him before kissing him full on the lips. They were the kind of couple that liked to make a show of their happiness. It screamed look at me at every opportunity. He leant further into her and Susie propped against George's shoulder as Luke kissed her. I caught George's eye for a moment and she was smiling at me. Only at me.