There is No Going Back

Chapter 1 self harm

The sunlight shines through your bedroom window, waking you up. You stay in bed, not wanting to get up. You had plenty of time to sleep but you don't have the energy to get up to face another day.

Another day of judgement

Of the beatings

Of the yelling

Of the bullys

Of the fightings

Your Insicurits

And your demons.

Nevertheless you get up and got dress. Your outfit isn't nothing special. Black jeans, a normal shirt, a sweater to cover up all your memory and pain that's hidden underneath every single one of your fresh cuts, the old ones, and the ones that are almost fadded away. You know that some of these cuts wornt fade away. There leave scars, and that scares you and there so many reasons why but you don't know how to express that. You cut for so many reasons.

For controle. You feel like your parents, friends, teachers, everyone is controling your life. Making future plans and deciding what you will do and cutting is the only thing that you have controle over because you decides where it goes, how deep it goes, and how many time your going to slice your skin open. You have controle.

You cut because the pain distracts you. When you cut you forget about all the mental pain and the only thing you can think about is the physical pain. You tride other ways as a destraction but none of them work. It seems like cutting is the only way.

You cut because you have to feel something physical because everything around you feels numb and that scares you. All the pain that you suffer numbs everything and you hurry to feel somthing.

You cut for punishment. For not being good enough, for not being the person that everyone wants you to be, for being useless, for being the worse person in the whole fucking planet like god damn you can't do anything right!

You cut because you just dont know what to do at this point. Your breathing not living.