Anhedonia

chapter.1 Neelu

I woke up in my room and the sun was shining in my eyes, it was so light out and i just wanted to sleep the day away. ughh i HATE sunlight. i could hear my dad snoring in the livingroom, probably passed out from drinking too much. i sat up in my bed because i was starting to feel sick of just laying awake and existing if i could not fall back asleep. it was so hot out that it was just painful to be in the sun, so i stood up and started walking towards my woredrobe. my clothes are all verry special and people wonder how i afford everything, but the thing is i dont, all the clothes i wear are stolen, lmao what do they even think about me? i could never afford all this. but i do have a really good style i must say myself, and im a great thief too. i grabbed a pair of light blue ripped boyfriend jeans with big holes on the knees, to that i put on my oversized trasher hoodie because i was feeling lazy.

after i was done with the clothes i walked to the bathroom, quietly sneaking past joseph, wich is my dad. i did not want to deal with that bullshit today. when i arrived at the bathroom i firstly went to the toilet. the bathroom is very small, just as the rest of the appartment. it was a grey-ish color and wasnt anything special. we had a toilet, a small place for showering and then it was just a sink and mirror. when i was done i stood infront of the mirror and stared at myself. my hair wasnt just blue as it was when i was born, now most of it was black from the top of my head, but the tips of my hair was a blue color, tho my hair is kinda long so its about half black and half blue. i have plump lips with curling corners, on my bottom lip there is a lip ring in the middle, it really makes the lock i think. my nose is nothing special, not big and not really small. i have full darkbrown eyebrows with one cut on the left brow. my eyes are a little big with black curling eyelashes and the color of my eyes is not that usual, they are black but with a dark blue coming from the pupil, its doesn't look unnatural like the haloween contacts, its just a very dark blue melting in with the black, its mostly visible in light ofcours. i do have little freckles on my cheeks aswell, they usally come around in summer. on my cheeks i have diples aswell, ive been thinking on doing a dimple piercing but im not sure yet. i got my right ear pierced with a simple ring and i got the lip one, thats all. i have some tattos aswell and i love them so much, i plan on getting more in the future. there are tattos on each wrist and one on my thigh. the one on my left wrist was something i actualy didnt get myself, it was developt after my birth. when i was born i only had a blue dot, then the older i got after some nights id wake up with an adding to the tattoo, and now that it looks complete it is a very little blue smeraldo flower. it is very beautiful, like a birthmark but looks like a tatto. under the flower i did get my own choice tatto and its a thin black text that reads Truce and i underlined it with a thinner line. my right wrist is more simple. its a black thin line going around my wrist like a bracelet, on top of the black line i have a semicolon filled with black ink, the semicolon represents deppresion, its to say 'there is still a continuation to my story' tho im not so sure about that, i just always wanted it even if i wont continue my story. then my last tattoo at the moment is on my thigh and its something i always thought were so beautiful, its a bunch of flowers kind of grey-ish with a black outlining.

if there would be anything i like about myself, it would be my tattos.

after just staring at my reflection for 10 years being lost in thought, i decide to wash my face in the sink. i dont have the energy to shower today, showering is that thing wich is the hardest to just do it but when you finally do it you cant get out, and i dont have time for that shit. i washed up and brushed my teeth after about 30 minuts of debating if it was even worth it. then i quickly just grabbed my phone who was coverd with a matt black shell with planets on and it says 'fuck off' and thats exactly what people do when i have it on,, or maby they do anyways actualy, but whatever honestly, as long as they do fuck off its all good. then i took my stickerfilled laptop, a pen and some gums, oh and also an energydrink ofcours. i was done packing so i slid on my nike backback, put on shoes, grabbed my skateboard and then i left.