Our Manufactured Reality

Chapter 29: At a Loss for Words

The wind whipped back strands of my hair as I walked along the edge of the cliff, rocks chipping  beneath my feet and falling below.  I realized my hair had grown generously long after how much time I'd spent in the future. The future. Well, really it was the present.

I spotted Harper's blonde hair from a mile away; her's had grown too, only it was much richer and made her features become more prominent.

Striding over to her, I tried to muster up my courage. My feet were dragging and my hands were clammy, but I was hell-bent on confronting her.

"Harper?" I walked up beside her, her gaze still fixed upon the vast hillside beyond the R.E.P. camp.

No response.

"I'm sorry," I breathed out. "I hurt you, and I know that. I-- I don't really know what to say except... I broke it off with Mia."

"What?" She turned around cautiously, her eyes were puffy. I really had hurt her. Maybe she'd cared about me more than I thought.

"Yeah." I rubbed the back of my neck. "She didn't like it, but I told her I couldn't be with her anymore."

"Why?" There was a forlorn look tugging on her muscles. "Why would you even tell me that?"

"Because--"

"No! I don't want to hear it!" She shook her head and spun back around, trotting away a few feet.

"Harper, I didn't mean to hurt you. I--"

"Well, you did!" She faced me head on now. "You hurt me! Every single day all you could do was be nice, stay friends. And when you finally started becoming the Charlie I thought you were, Mia showed up! You let her-- her-- walk all over you, Charlie!" She threw her hands in the air. "Did you see how she kissed you? It was like-- like-- ugh! Mia just-- I thought we talked about this earlier? About how you chose this life? THIS LIFE? I thought you cared!" She shoved me back and wiped her face. "But all you did was lead me on..."

"Harper--"

"Stop! Just... Stop." She squeezed her eyes shut in an expression that said I can't take it anymore.

But I wasn't giving up.

"Harper please. I wanted to tell you that I broke it off with Mia because of you." She refused to listen. "I didn't choose this life, I chose you."

"I just-- after all the times you confused me, I don't know if I can trust you anymore." Harper folded her arms tight and stared at the dirt.

"You can," I offered in the most sympathetic voice possible.

"Do you know how much I want to believe that?" She crossed toward me, staring directly in my eyes. "How I want to trust you?" Her pouring emotions only made me want to comfort her more.

"I'm so sorry, Harper. Just give me one more chance. I don't want to lose you..." I was hoping for anything to say that would make it up to her, but confessing my love seemed counterproductive.

"That's the thing..." She approached me gingerly. "I lost you. So. Many. Times!" She slammed her fists into my chest, yet the blows were weak with brokenness. "After all the times I got my hopes up!" Her words were becoming more angry. She was almost leaning on me for support with her defiant eyes shut. Tears were beginning to roll down her face, and I felt a strand of lost hope on my cheek as well. "After all the times I thought you would-- you would SAY something because I couldn't! Every time you let my hopes down! You-- you..."

I pulled her in close, silencing her efforts. There was only one way to tell her how bad I felt and how much I cared. So I brought her lips to mine, forcing her to stop talking. At first she struggled, every ounce of her body screaming that she couldn't trust me. She had so much fight in her, and she had tried to get it all out at once. She was exhausted.

Then, I felt a glimmer of the Harper I knew. The one that I protected. The one that forgave me for everything. The one that maybe... somewhere deep down... still wanted to be with me.

Her muscles became less tense, and her body relaxed into mine, effortlessly giving in to the kiss. Now she was enjoying it. Tears ran into the creases of pink and she suddenly pulled away. I thought perhaps I'd gone a step too far.

"I knew I loved you." Her words were refreshingly sweet, like a warm summer's breeze against the bitter cold of crashing waves. It was the way she said it: Without opening her eyes, a small smile playing out on her mouth, she had uttered them so softly they were almost inaudible. Like the only person she wanted to say them to was standing inches from her. But it wasn't just that, it was what she had said: She knew she loved me. As if it had been a feeling lingering there all along. Exactly the way I had felt. "Do you?" she suddenly asked.

"Yes. But..." I paused, thinking of how to phrase it cleverly. "...there's only one way you can find that out."

Harper giggled at the inclusion of my catch-phrase. "Nice. So... Is this it?" She gracefully brushed her lips against mine before we both embraced again. The question faded into the dull background of the camp as time stood still.

Smooth, Harper Atkins. Very smooth, I'll give you that.

I ran her hair through my fingers while we stayed frozen in time. The blonde strands fell neatly into place against her cheek as I continued to hold her close, embracing her like it would make up for everything in the past.

"I choose you, Harper Atkins... I love you." I just couldn't convey it enough.

"I know." She replied, forgiveness and honesty flowing through her.

For once, I knew exactly what she was saying; even before the last whisper of her words drifted out on the air.

"I love you too."