Random Vent

Summer life

Why is it that everyone seems to either be traveling or setting their life in motion while all I am able to do is sit back and just be one step behind everyone else and just suffer through all the pain that life throws my way? Is that all I am allowed to do, just suffer through life? What makes everyone else so special that they can go out and just do things like they have figured out and like they have planned out? I have my life planned out, I know what I want to do, so why can't I be like them and just go and do like they are able to do? Why do I have to sit back and suffer and just "ride out" every storm that passes me by and not have a moment where I can just sit back and have a carefree day and not be worrying about something that is going on? I try and sit back and take a breather and I just get bored and start to do things and then just wind up stressing myself out even more, it is all just a cycle I am stuck in forever and there seems to be no way out of this hell hole I live in. I am just now able to actually act my age and dress to how I want and dress to accentuate what I have worked so hard to get and keep and actually finally have a positive self image of myself and not hiding myself behind all kinds of clothing. I have finally found someone who encourages me to be me and supports me through what all I am doing. Even with all of the amazing things that are happening in my life I still feel like I am just so far behind everyone else that is my age and even behind those who are younger than I am. I don't know what to do to get myself out of this rut that I seem to have been stuck in for the longest time now. It is also like no matter what I do I can never get myself out of this rut that I seem to be doomed to be stuck in for forever now.