Dear you,
Why did you do it?
I ask myself all the time, but no matter how hard i think I can never get the right answer.
Is it my fault?
Then I recall all the moments we had that may answer my question.
Is it wrong to always remind you how much i loved you?
Maybe you get irritated on how many times a day I said it to you.
Is it when I always call or text you to ask how are you or what you are doing?
Maybe you get annoyed too much.
Is it when I told you to stop using cellphone when Im with you?
I only told you that cause I want your attention.
Is it when I ask you who is she?
I have the right to know cause you promise me you wont cheat on me.
and when you told me
"She's just a friend".
I believed you.
I always do.
Remember when no one is there for you? Im always there. I always look back to you, always support you and always loved you.
You pick me, like a flower in the garden, even when someone is more beutiful, more intelligent than me and I feel lucky enough because you love me.
and as our years went by, I only loved you deeper, I had learn how to loved a man like you. I loved how you took care of your family, I loved how you support them, how you fought for them.
I celebrate your joy's and success and I was there through your pain and sorrow.
I was there when you thought everyone left you.
But you, you always took me for granted.
You picked me, but you didnt let me grow.
You only celebrate my success but never with me when I failed.
You werent there for me.
You only know how to hurt me but never knew how to love me.
You only know how to make me cry but never knew how to make happy.
But still, I stay.
Until I couldnt anymore.
Until I realize my worth,
Realizations hit me by the time you told me I was your pain in the ass, and that I was a crazy bitch to think that you love me.
Maybe I am crazy,
Crazy enough to think that you deserve my love, but no you didnt.
Even the tiniest part of me, you didnt deserve it.
Yes you picked me but never choose me, YOU CHOOSE YOURSELF.
You always choose the things that makes YOU happy. Its always about YOU.
To make you great, to make you look good.
And when I realize it, Im proud that I walk away from you. Im glad I choose happiness and its not you.
I now choose myself, Its in the little things in me, how I can make myself happy and how I can moved on from you.
I thought I couldnt but I did.
I went out of your life and discover many things outside the box.
I learned that happiness does not depend from the person youre with, its in you.
From the day I stopped choosing you, I found myself and everything falls into place.
Still I thank you, thank you from all the ache you gave to me, it made me stronger and wiser.
Adios,
Goodluck on finding someone like me.
Letter for my first love
June 7, 2018
E.B
