I'm Just A Freak (Abandoned)

Killing Myself

Y/N POV
{{Possible TW: Talk of beginning stages of anorexia and just horribly distorted images of "self care" and just disastrous coping methods}}

It's been a few days since the incident, and my physical and mental state has been deteriorating quickly. Although I've been gained back some weight and muscle, I can't sleep. And when I do sleep, I have nightmares. Always different pastas getting completely slaughtered. Now, death doesn't really bother me. Shit, I kill for a living! But when it comes to the people I care about, it's a completely different story. So I've been sleep deprived and paranoid all while I'm supposed to be preparing for the imitate attack from Zalgo.

Slender says he'll be coming soon. Some of the pastas don't believe him, however. They think that it was all just some elaborate joke. I can't understand why, I don't know how all of that could have been a joke. Besides, I can feel it coming. I don't know why, but I can just feel it.

Ever since he took control over me, I haven't been able to shake the feeling that I'm being watched. It just adds onto the paranoia I've already been feeling. This whole situation is a mess and I don't know how to fix it. So I've began to destroy myself, I suppose.

Whenever I can't gain control, I start to take control over what I can. I force myself to not sleep, to control the nightmares. Lock myself in my room to help combat paranoia. I barley eat, I exercise in excessive amounts, all to regain control over my body itself. Slowly making my health plummet just to gain control.

I know I'm killing myself but I don't really care at this point.

BEN POV

"No, you don't get it! Something is seriously wrong! He's not himself. Not like before. I know he has controls over his body-his actions, but I don't think he does of his mind." I say to Slendy. Toby sits at my side with the occasional tic now and then. The room falls completely silent and still. Only movement still being Toby.

Slender finally lets out a sigh. "I understand the situation, child. I understand what the repercussions of being possessed by Zalgo are. I've seen it happen before. But we have to let (Y/N) figure this out for himself. If he can't, then he's not going to be... 'coming back'."

"W...What do you mean?" Toby asks. Worry lacing his voice.

"Yeah," anger starts to fill me, "what do you mean not 'coming back'? That's not an option here! You and I both damn well know that he's one of the strongest pastas in this whole damn place. We need him." At this point I'm almost shouting. Luckily, Slendy's office is sound proof (😉😏) so the others don't accidentally find out what's happening. They don't need to know quite yet...

"I'm not having this discussion anymore. I can't get through to you, either of you. Go back to you're rooms. We'll discuss this farther at another time." He sighs, putting his hand to his head, seeming as if he's trying to get it to stop aching.

I stormed angrily out of the room. Toby just sorta walked out behind me. He's never been one for conflict among those he hold close. People he doesn't however... that's a story for another day.

//A/N//
This is where I stopped writing before the hiatus, but I didn't want to just continue it. It felt odd to just start where I left off. I did a small but of editing on it, but I'll start actually writing again in the next chapter, so hang in there ^^

Chaise🍄🌵