Quotes for this chapter
"Cast your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." -1 Peter 5:7.
"She comfortably trusts in the Lord to take care of her." -Psalms, 112:7.
"Worry a little bit every day and in a lifetime you will lose a couple of years. If something is wrong, fix it if you can. Worry never fixes anything." -Ernest Hemingway.
"The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be. -Ralph Waldo Emerson.
***
"I know you're worried about your Dad. Maybe visit him and check up on him." Robert suggested when we were in the hospital together.
"I'm scared," I replied, shaken by Robert's suggestion. "I'm scared that--" I took a deep breath because I was very tense and needed to calm down just to finish the sentence. Finally, I got up the courage. "That he might die. Will he? I can't loose another parent."
"It's in His hands now, sweetie. I can't do anything except to comfort you."
"I know. I need to face my fears--gain some weight, and face my father."
"I'll come with you."
Robert helped me out of my hospital bed. My legs were so cramped for being in there so long, that I could barely walk. As I stumbled to Dad's room, 426 A, my anxiety intensified. But, I remembered one of Mom's favorite hymns, Be Not Afraid. I sang a few lines of it while Robert guided me:
Be not afraid,
I go before you always.
Come, follow me,
And I will give you rest.
I managed to get up the strength and say, "Dad? I-it's me, your daughter, Rachael. How are you feeling?"
No answer. That moment flashed back to when my mother didn't answer back...the same silence, me trying to find the words to break the silence, but afraid if I would've spoken that my deepest fear would've been realized. My lips were afraid to speak; like a rubber band was around them, afraid that if I would break that elastic, that something bad will happen to me.
A few minutes later, and still no answer, I seriously thought the worst: Is Dad dead? What happened? A plethora of questions swarmed in my brain like a bee hive with bees inside it.
"R-Rachael?" Dad finally spoke.
"Yes, Dad? I'm here. Steven and Robert are here. We're all here." I said quickly, afraid that he might be dying.
"I-I'm going to need--"
"Dad! Dad, can you hear me? I need a father! Please, God, let him live. I can't bare to lose him."
Then, a doctor came in, and told us the news.
"I'm afraid--"
Those two words just broke my heart, everything in my body. I couldn't breathe; I started to have an anxiety attack, gasping for air, but it seemed like no matter how much air I could muster that it still wasn't enough.
"Rachael! Rachael, can you hear me?" I heard someone else's voice calling my name. I couldn't take it anymore. I had to get out, even if I weighed ninety-eight pounds, still underweight, I couldn't take this hospital anymore.
"I'm here." I started to say, now very befuddled at where I am. "Hospital, right?" I instantly came back.
"Yes, for now. For two more months," Robert said. "Two more months. Why do you do this to me? It feels like I have no girlfriend at all! How could you?! How could you let me face school and everything else alone? I'm so irate at you. I feel like I'm not even helping you anymore. This is it." He walked a few times back and forth. When I asked a few times for him to stop, he didn't. "Maybe we're not meant to be." He said finally after a long pause.
"What?" I yelled, tears welling up in my eyes. "Excuse me? Two more months? Two more months until I'm free from this stupid hospital? They might as well just let me out. And as for your yelling," I started, anger building up inside me for a long time; every since Mom's unexpected death, and now has worsened now that Dad's in the hospital, "Do you think I'd even want to be in the hospital? Do you think I want to go to group therapy every day, and have a tube in my stomach along with IV's and have to go to one-on-one therapy sessions every other day, restricted visiting hours with friends, and missing home and you every darn day?! Do you think I want to feel this way? You even said, 'We can get through this together.' Is this the anger about me? Or something else? You know what, maybe you're right; maybe we weren't meant to be at all."
Robert then shook his fist in anger.
"Careful, young man." One of the nurses said as they came in to give me my dinner.
"Sorry." He said sheepishly.
"You even made promises about the future, that we'll get married and have kids together: the perfect life. And now you want to abandon me in this time of need? And my Dad's in the hospital as well. I have a problem with food. I want to eat, but I can't. It's very irritating. If Mom hadn't died, I would be at John Madison right now, having a fun senior year, rock finals, and then go to university. But, instead, I got sick due to Mom's death. The pain can't go away in one month or two. It's a process that gradually makes the sadness go away. I'm slowly gaining weight, slowly, but I'm gaining. I'm sorry for pulling you into this mess that is my life. I'm sorry for everything that I've put you through. I just hope you can forgive me for lashing out at you."
"I forgive you, honey. I'm sorry for lashing out at you as well. It's just all this extra stress at university, that's all, midterms, mostly. You're right about pain--it takes time, just like for you to eat. Getting over an eating disorder is a process--baby steps. I'll help you in every way that I can. I love you, sweetheart."
"I love you too."
***
A/N-Very long chapter, I know. One thousand plus words!
What do you think of Robert and Rachael? Will they be able to survive Rachael being in the hospital even longer, or will they break up? Let me know in the comments, please.
Will the father live? When do you think he'll get out of the hospital? Will he be able to fight his depression? Find out next week.
Another announcement-A few chapters shy of half of the book complete. I'm thinking this book will be fifty chapters. Too much or too little? Let me know in the comments, please.
I've also entered this book in the Wattys (maybe next year when I complete the book and will hopefully be working on the sequel), but, however, I have entered I'm Fine, Okay, No, I'm Not in the Wattys, and it already has 1,600+ reads! And 920 votes! Thank you very much. Remember to vote, comment, and share on this book and don't forget to vote on I'm Fine, Okay, No, I'm Not, please! It would really mean a lot to me. Thank you so much for taking an interest in this book. I really appreciate it. You guys really motivate me to write more (which is why I wrote an extra long chapter tonight.
Will write more next week, hopefully not 1,200+ words, though! Have a good day, evening, night, everyone, and don't forget to click the little star!
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Skinny (Love & Hope Series #1)
SpiritualCover made by @moonraess. "I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go." -Genesis, 28:15. Everyone dreads the words, "Your Mom's gone," but for Rachael Winters, this has become an unexpected reality. She has to deal with this at an early a...
