After all this time... why are we hiding? Jungkook FF BTS (one shot)

Why won't you hold my hand?

As you walk home together, feet in time, close but not quite touching, you feel that if anyone had looked at the two of you together whether they would think you were friends, colleagues, brother and sister? It might be hard to tell from the outside in. In that respect they and you may be similar. He is often hard to understand from the outside in as well.
You didn't know how you felt about this.
I mean... you know he loves you but something confuses you about his actions. It had been a while since you could be alone. You understand he may be uncomfortable or embarrassed but once in a while it wouldn't hurt, would it? Especially today of all days - you'd had a bad day and a little bit of contact , walking hand in hand, could go a long way towards revitalising you and bringing up your mood.
You look at him. He notices. You blush and look away quickly. Scared, and a little embarrassed to ask about it, you leave these thoughts. You leave the thoughts behind in the wake of your footsteps, just like many troubles from today and past, alike.

You walk in an almost deafening, all be it not uncomfortable silence. (He had been enjoying it. Just walking and being in your company, although this was not immediately apparent to you in this moment). You let it roll off your shoulder and just try and take it at face value. It's hard to do though and your walk subtly becomes a little more sullen and depressed.
You wonder as you walk.

You were almost home, almost to the place where you and Jungkook hold so many dear memories and yet it somehow managed to make you a little sad. Almost like it didn't exist in this world, only inside that one. You became more and more down, spiralling into your own thoughts. Just before you could go to far...
You were broken away from your thoughts and overwhelming emotions by something unexpected...

A hand. Warm, large, comforting and kind. In the cold weather you can feel every movement and gentle touch, smooth skin against skin. It fumbles as it tries to find your own hand; it slowly wraps its way around yours and you find your hand wrapped up tight inside his fist and safely stuffed inside a fluffy jacket pocket. You realise the fact your two intwined hands are almost perfectly hidden by the large coats you and he were wearing to protect you from the cold briskness of the winter evening. A sweet secret from everyone around you, but... yet again secret.
Still surprised, you looked up at Jungkook. At first he wasn't looking at you. You had difficulty seeing his face in full view but could see the red flush to his cheeks... he was blushing. You try to catch his attention but you had arrived at the stairs to your home before too long. You give up... but he finally looks.
He had been waiting. Waiting until you were alone. He stares into your eyes. Time seems to pass you by, ignorant to the world and everything in it, as a deep gaze is locked between the 2 of you. When, suddenly, you were brought back to reality, by a new expression on his face you've never seen before. It was not a smile, like you had seen so many times before. It was a look, that like usual, you struggled to find the meaning of . But today, somehow, you knew it was a look of understanding and comfort and most of all love.
He had noticed your change in demeanour and knows you well to understand what it means. In an attempt to make you feel better, less alone, he had taken your hand to let you know he was there for you. No words had been exchanged and yet you knew he knew what you were thinking and exactly what you needed.

And then words parted his sweet lips, with a smile "shall we go home?". In those simple words, that others might not have read deeper, you could read everything you needed.

The combination of his sweet smile and those words almost overwhelmed you and words became non-existent to your memory. You shallowly nodded.

Still in his secret grasp, he gently led you up the stairs and to your door. Every step of the way the silence continued. With a calm dexterity he gets out his keys with one hand and opens the door to reveal a warm cosy room. The heat radiating from the doorway. With a silent gesture, he lets you walk in first. As you enter the heat ahead of him, you let go of his hand with a hole left by his missing touch. You remember the feelings of your walk home and begin your deep spiralling again. You try to remove your coat and scarf, struggling under the weight of your own feelings and confusion. No energy left. You didn't get very far when you hear the door shut behind you. Before you could go any further, everything spun and then... darkness.

You almost panic at the sudden loss of sight. You struggle to get free and begin to tear up in fear but as you breath in the warm air you notice something familiar...

A familiar smell. Soft and warm. A feeling you've felt many times before. Strong arms around your tired shoulders. You felt a muscular chest rise and fall against your cold, sore cheeks. A face pressed against the top of you head with a slow breathing close to your ear. You stopped struggling and let this heat envelop everything, letting your worries slip away for a while. You had been completely engulfed by this feeling. In an unexpected, lasting embrace filled with adoration. A hug for no one but you and him to share, out of sight of the world. Every doubt you had... gone, with this one beautiful gesture.

After a few minutes. You breath a deep contented sigh of relief. As you snuggle further into his body, you place your balled-up-fists against his chest and let your hands slide down his body a little, inside his open coat. You grab on to his cotton shirt and hold on tight - fearful this was a dream and if it wasn't, that all too soon it would come to an end.

Tears fall. You cry quietly into his body, protected by the barrier he had created for you. A safe space where you could release your problems and fill that void left; with the love he gave you.

After a long time, he finally pulls away and places his hands on either side of your face (4 fingers behind your ears, thumbs on your cheeks). He puts his forehead gently against yours, both his and your eyes closed, breathing deeply.
You stay here.
Slowly drawing nearer. His lips now so close to yours you can feel the edges of his lips caress you own. You can feel the tension, the heat building, it was exponential and you knew in this moment he loved you, entirely and sincerely.

He pushes his lips against yours. Tender but with a hidden passion. Ice cold from the freezing winds of the world with a firey passion deep inside. You both feel the other not wanting it to end and yet... he pulls away.

"We... should... umm..." you find it hard to find words fitting for the situation. You didn't know what was right to say and what would possibly ruin it.

He spoke up.
"I'm... sorry"
You quickly become confused and start to regret your feelings and doubts You had "You haven't done Anything wrong. You did everything just now, in your power, to make it better and I love you for it". He gently scrunches up his face, trying to hide a grin and you can see the internalised feelings and the struggle to find words amongst the embarrassment. In the moment you know exactly what to do. You lighten the mood and peck him on the cheek. His face reddens further but eases. He looks to the floor. In a new found confidence, he finds a few words...

"Now we finally have some free time, should we just spend some time together?"

He sensed you wanted some time just you and him; needing the time to relax after the day you'd had. It was the perfect idea.
You smiled and again silently nodded, biting your lip a little, in excitement of the idea of spending time enjoying yourselves. Just you and him.

In the minutes that followed, you changed into comfy clothes and had settled yourselves on the sofa/couch. Your legs over his, cuddled up and you began your evening of games and films, just you and him and your love for each other. You let go of all the bad feeling and doubt and you finally understood...

In public, his face is often hard to read. You wonder if he is scared or uncomfortable to show his love but emotions don't run deep inside his heart. You can see it in his eyes and they boil to the surface and overflow just for you... but when it is the right time. In you own little world, in the safety of each other's embrace or just for a night at home. He loved you and You loved him and nothing would change that. No amount of time apart. This was your little romance and he wanted to save it for the moments that you, and you alone, could enjoy together.