A Destiny Story

What is happend?

Now I sat in the cafeteria and talked to Sarah.
We both was so happy that I was not longer ill.
We laughed and ate our lunch.
Nobody could break our happyness. And I was right.

Not somebody, something.

After the lunch we stood up and went to the classrooms.
That was our plan been.
Right, been.
When I stood up and I felt the same feeling like in the class.
My fingers and toes felt numb, but in this case it doesn't left. It stays.
I ignore myself until the point I felt suddenly weak.

I stopped moving and wait.
I took much more short breaths.
Sarah turned around.
'Alice is all fine?', Sarah asked cared.
I just shaked my head and felt now completly numbed.

I sank down on the floor and concentrate to took enough breaths.
Fast Sarah hurried to me and took my hand.
'Alice tell me. How are you? Can you hear me?'
I was scared.
I couldn't felt her hand but obviously I saw it.

'Sarah I have fear. I can't feel your hand', I said slowly.

'Help, help. We need help.' Alice screamd out.

A boy came to us and knees to us. He asked some questions but I couldn't concentrate. He called the ambulance and in this time, like a snap, it's all normal again. Now I was completly confused. I don't know how to described this situation.

We went to the next chair and I sat down again.

The ambulance hurried a few minutes later to me and took me to the hospital.

Nobody spoke more than 'how are you' in a mysterious way to me.

A few minutes later we was in the hospital.
My Mum was called and now I lay here.

In a sterile, boring room full of depressed thoughts. The doctor even my family and myself don't know what happend.

We just know, that this disease is not normal. Very dangerous and could be deadly. The doc added that I don't have to be scared.
Sure, I think it's quiet normal that a doc told me, that I could had a deadly disease. Of course I didn't scared.

What an idiot this doc. I hope for him, that he said this sentences for fun.
A dangerous, deadly disease... Really? Told a 14 years old, that she mustn't scared.

But I am scared. A dangerous disease is not fun. I hope they don't find anything. I can't die. Not me. Not yet.

In this moment the door open and my mum and my dad come inside.
Mum sit next to me, take my hand and wait. Dad stays infront of my bed and just starre to me.

'What did the doc told you?', I ask clear.

Nobody answers. That is not fair. I lay here for hours and nobody talked to me. Nobody told me anything.

'Mum, what did you know? I have a right to know! I can't sit just here to look what will happend.' Just a second later Mum beginn to speak.

'I don't know anything. Even that is this disease terrible.' She hold my hand and looks very scared. In my opinon she looks more scared than me.

'Mum, I look in your eyes. You know.' I said normal.
'You know. I know you do. So tell me.' I said louder.
She looks to dad.
He looks to her.
And both look to me.

'Oh dear. I'm so sorry.' She cried.
'It's my fault. Obviously my fault.' She cried frustrated.
'Mum what are you talking about?' I asked more worried.
'You have cancer.' Dad said loudly.

No I can't have. That not worked. I fell quite normal. Just today I fell partly numbed.

There can't be a such thing inside me.
No!!!

A little lonley tear dropped on the bed.

I fell so angry.
Angry to me.
Angry to the doctor.
Angry to the thing inside me.
Angry to the world.

I could scream, but I don't.
I could break out in tears, but I don't.
Just this only lonley tear...

'Oh my god sweetheart.' Mum cried and hug me intense.

Dad come to the other side and hug me too.

And I?
I don't know what this world as a bitch want to tell me.
"No, Alice. I do not like you, so you'll get cancer. Happy Birthday."
Or something like that:
"I am more than less sorry, but somebody must get it."
I think first one...

This feeling is so bad you can't imagine. Nobody wants you by your side. Not even your body itself.

I wasn't in my right mind when the doctor came and want to told me about this terrible thing.

I don't listend very good but I don't wonder myself. It was like a trance.
But a few things I got.

'Very strong...
Very evil...
Must destroy it before it destroy you...
Good chance to cure...
Can be deadly...
...'

Oh yeah? Really? Cancer can be deadly? Did this doctor really think that I do not know this?

And this is the time I begin to hate doctors.

Did they really believe themselves?

Sometimes I don't understand everything.
But it's okay. I will understand it.
But I don't know when.

I don't know where to go either, but first I'll lie here...
To wait for the next step...