Forever & Always

Forever and Always

Pacing around the room back and forth I sighed. I bit my bottom lip and tugged at my hair awaiting. The clock read a couple hours past 1am. Thunder crackled in the sky repeatedly, but despite the rumbles, my heartbeat was the only sound I heard. It kept pumping in my chest as I grabbed a glass of water and chugged it down. Slamming it down, I held my hair back when the window flew open, hitting the wall with a thud.

I ran over the cold hardwood and shut it as the rain seeped through, drenching the floor under it. My hands itched for my phone which lied on the table, next to it. My eyes were strained looking at it for so long. Frustration began to build up as my heart kept telling me one thing while my mind told me another. Questions ran through my head circulating in my mind.

What could possibly happen?

What will he say?

Am I making the right decision?

Why isn't he calling?

I couldn't blame him. He has a stable life now and has his business to do. He won't support me in my decision, that I am firm on taking.

But he won't tell me to...no of course he won't. He's not cruel.

My legs gave up on me and wobbled as I fell to the ground. Unknown tears slipped down my cheeks and before I knew it, I was crying. Visions flooded through my mind as sobs escaped my mouth.

His tall and lean body that towers over my 5'7 height. His dark messy hair that looked like perfection each and every time he ran his calloused fingers through them. The way his deep voice called out my name in affection and the magic it does to me when he speaks. The way his hands sent sparks throughout my body when he touched me. The way he makes the simplest gestures and making my day- playing with my hair, giving me flowers, kissing my head, cooking for me, coming with me to every appointment, giving my medicines on the dot. His thoughtful yet manly personality. How he slips his arm around my small waist and pulls me against him. How his soft lips feel against mine and how his tongue explores my mouth in passion. How complete he feels inside of me.

He completes me.

He was there when nobody else was.

When I thought I had just a couple more breaths left to take on earth before I bid goodbye,

He rescued and fixed my dying self.

I'm alive because of him.

I need him.

And I can't lose him. But he can lose me.

I needed to tell him. I would go mad if I didn't.

I struggled to get up but did and I ran over to the table. Taking deep breaths, hoping my lungs won't give up on me, I lifted my shaking hand. Holding my phone in front of me, I pushed the buttons. Seeing his name and his gorgeous contact picture, another tear slipped down my cheek. More through swirled like a tornado inside my mind and I had no clue what to do anymore.

How much he went through coming from an abused family. How he was affected by all that, and how bad he would treat others. How coldhearted and merciless he was and how he cared about nobody, not even himself.

His smile in the picture cracked my heart.

He changed so much. From a living stone to this loving changed warm hearted guy. And I can't have him go back to that dark person. He needs this light to keep him from going back into this small hole that he can't climb out of by himself.

That's why I need to do this.

I may lose my life. And that's okay. It's worth it.