Finally Mine

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I got home and walked up my driveway. My eyes still blurry from crying, I fumble with my keys to get inside. Once inside I drop my bag and keys on the floor next to the door and drag myself upstairs. Tripping on every other step clearly blind by tears and tired. To be completely honest I really am tired. I'm tired of thinking of everything that happened just 10 minutes ago. Tired of all the men breaking my heart. Tired of never finding the one who loves me truly. And tired of walking in these damn heels. I just want to go to sleep and go back in time to where I first met Trey. Knowing what I know now I would have told my old self not to fall for his greenish hazel eyes. His chiseled chin and sexy goatee. Ughhh I need to stop thinking about him. It's over. We aren't dating and I need to get over him. He took my heart and I'm not getting it back.

I zombie walked into my room and unzipped my dress and slid out of my heels. I take off my bra feeling the relief you always feel as soon as you take off your bra. Feeling much more comfortable I put on an oversized shirt and climb into my huge bed with way too many pillows. I lie in bed staring at ceiling watch the blades on my fan going in circles. "Is it me. Is there something wrong with me. Am I doing something wrong?" I ask out loud. I turn to my side feeling like I'm gonna cry again.

As soon as I'm all curled up into a ball in my covers that's when it happens. I breakdown and sob. I cry and cry and every time I try to stop myself I keep crying. All this pain seems like it's never gonna go away. Even though he wasn't my first, he treated me like it. I loved him and thought we would grow old together and have kids, live together. I sob even more now since I've been thinking about it. This pain isn't going away.

I woke up at 1 in the afternoon. I've never woke up this late before. I feel so depressed. I roll over and realize I'm in the edge of my bed. Trying to get up making sure I don't fall off my bed, I FAIL and fall off my bed. "SHIT!" I say loudly. I slowly get up and put on my soft bunny slippers. Feeling the comfort of my slippers is more comforting than my bed from last night. I felt like I was sleeping on a rock the whole night.

Once I was off the cold, unwelcoming floor I walked to the bathroom. Rubbing my eyes, trying to get the crust out of them. I open my eyes and look in the mirror. "Damn!" I looked an absolute mess. Like I was beyond ugly at this point and I really didn't care. I just want to be home alone and be a slump. Happiness wasn't on my to do list.

I basically fell down the stairs and broke my neck but I didn't. That's what counts right? I finally made my way to the kitchen which took about 5 minutes. I went to reach for my mug and pour me some coffee in hope that it would wake me up. I ended up breaking my mug. It hit the floor and broke into millions of pieces. Just like my heart. I began to cry again. Man, I really need to get over myself.

As I was crying I decided to give up on coffee and go for my favorite ice cream in the freezer. Sadly, I had 2 pints of ice cream in the freezer. Why? Because there was a sale and I couldn't say no. Just like I couldn't say no to Trey. I quietly whimpered. I got me a huge spoon and went and sat down on my couch. Oh my comfy couch, how I miss you so. I turned the tv on and ended up watching reruns of friends and eating my Chunky Monkey ice cream by Ben & Jerry.

I sat in front of the tv watching how Monica and Chandler were having an affair and know one knew. It reminded me of how I was dating Trey and know one knew he was married. Damn it! I did it again. Once I finished my pint of chunky monkey I came to senses that it was time to stop watching tv and get off my depressed, lonely ass.

I walked back into the kitchen and decided maybe I should do something fun. I had nothing to do and I was honestly blaming myself for everything that happened and thought maybe it's was the way I looked. I called one of my go to girls when I needed help. "Hey Ray Ray" I said sounding more depressed than I look. "Yeah I'm fine do you think you can do me a favor?" there was someone speaking to her in the background. All I heard was "stop that tickles!" instantly not wanting to know what's happening. Ray Ray was dating this guy that we knew from when we went to school. I think his name was Rob or something like that. He was a basketball player. He was really skinny but Ray and Rob were cute together... lucky them.

"Yeah I just need you to run to the store and get me some light brown hair dye." I waited for her to respond knowing she was still giggling and flirting with her boyfriend. "No it's just that..." I said trying to think of some excuse. "My car broke down and I wanna try a new look. Change it up a bit." Lying was one of my many talents I grew being in high school. Always getting into clubs and getting drinks even though I was 17 years old. I always got what I wanted. Pretty girls with dimples are always a catch.

"Thanks just leave it by the door and text me when you do. I don't want to scare you with my looks." I responded hoping she wouldn't ask why. Gladly she didn't and I hung up and would hear from her soon. I went upstairs and washed my hair, preparing it for dying. This was my first time dying my hair but Ray has done it before and it came out great so why not.

30 minutes later I got a text from Ray Ray

*light brown hair dye at your door. Send selfie when done! love you babe* with a smiley face emoji next to it.

I went to the door and opened it slightly making sure no one can see me and reached for the box, immediately closing it after I grabbed it. I walked back upstairs into the bathroom and locked the door. "Let's do this!"