Candyboy

Something New. (REVISED)

 "Theo, I can tell when you're nervous. Don't be. You'll love your new school." My mom looked up at me through the car mirror and smiled, her plump cheeks dusted with a rosy pink that only she could make endearing. I couldn't help but smile back but I said nothing. The corners of her lips wavered and threatened to collapse into a frown at my lack of a response. I don't know why she gets disappointed every time; my silence really isn't anything new. It hasn't been for years. My focus shifted from her reflection to the window. My mind opted in getting lost in the world that passed us by instead of fruitless conversation and disappointed eyes. My trance was broken by my mother yet again, who was desperately trying to keep this painfully awkward small talk alive.

"Theo. I know you have, erm, trouble with speech..." I let out a subtle sigh through my nose. "... But the other children at your school will be understanding! At least your friend Ken will be there. He's nice, isn't he?" And just like that my brows perked up. Ken was my best friend from my old school. I'd known him to be clingy, but to the point of crossing state lines? That's dedication. I didn't know I was smiling until the corners of my face ached.

"And I'm sure you'll have no trouble at all making friends. People love you!" She returned my and my fingers curled around the edge of the leather seats. Her clumsy flattery worked.

Despite my mother's sweet smile, I could see something sad flash in her eyes as they flickered back to the road. I could read her as well as she could read me, and I know she was thinking about everything that brought us here. She tried to keep me safe from our problems at home but I knew them all too well. I knew about my dad, and I knew that with her leaving we weren't bringing in enough money with her old job. She didn't have to say a word; the overdue bills and eviction notices on the counter told me everything. Sweet memories of my best friend were poisoned with a much crueler reality.

We sat in silence for a while and despite sound weighing nothing, it felt heavy. I could tell my mom had a lot on her mind. I wished I could say something to ease the tension and make her better but, as always, the most I could muster up was a fragile grin. The dramatically steep dirt roads of the countryside turned into flat concrete as we entered the city and my mom figured that this would be a good opportunity to break the godforsaken quiet. "Isn't this town lovely? It's prettier up close."

I nod absentmindedly and stared at the figures that flew by. Eventually we passed by Sweet Amoris, my new school. That's a weird name for a school, I thought. Mom was talking again, probably about the school, but I wasn't paying attention to her. I was entranced by the blurs we were passing and their complex, mixed colors. School had just let out so there were tons of them, mixing and mingling with one another. A blonde girl with hair that fell down in golden ringlets had stuck out to me and I stared at her from out the window. She noticed me from the corner of her eye and I turned my head from the window with heat creeping up my cheeks.

Mom paid no attention and we fell back into silence. The only thing breaking it was the sound of the engine's gentle purring. It gave my mind the room to ponder again. I thought about Ken, the blonde girl, my new school, my new life. Newly-found possibilities and realization of impossibilities. How hopeless and hopeful I felt, somehow mixing and becoming a thick, low-hanging cloud of uncertainty looming over my head.

These odd thoughts carried into my dreams as I leaned against the window and close my eyes, the car's noises and soft bumps lulling me to sleep.