To The Moon & Back

Two

{ CHAPTER TWO: Zayn }

She was laughing, running around in a bright white dress, blonde hair blowing in the soft breeze, pale blue eyes shining with mischief. She noticed me watching her, and grinned cheekily. She motioned for me to follow her, then sped off into the distance. I tried to call for her to slow down, tried to catch up to her. But it was no use. I'd never be able to get to her now, she was gone.

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I'm roughly awakened by a red faced, puffy eyed Niall. "Zayn, Zayn. Mate wake up." He says, voice strained. I squint my eyes and look around, completely disoriented. Where was I? Bright white walls, bright white floors, bright white lights. Was I dead?

"Am I dead?" I ask.

Niall shakes his head. "No, but your girlfriend..Elody..she-" Tears roll down his blotchy cheeks and he wipes his eyes on his sweatshirt furiously. My eyes widen and my heart sinks as the traumatic events from last night began to unfold in my memory. The stupid fight I could've stopped, El leaving, the car wreck, her nearly lifeless body surrounded by frantic doctors, her hand in mine, myself being torn from her after going ballistic. A tear falls and I quickly wipe it away, then look at Niall before almost immediately averting my eyes.

He looked so young and innocent when he cried, he looked a day or so over 14, not 18. It was almost painful to be around him whenever he was upset. "Ni, where is she?" I question, voice barely audible, eyes downcast. I watch as he shifts his feet around uncomfortably on the linoleum floors.

"Across the hall." He sniffs. I sigh and push myself off the ground, starting to make my way to her room, thoughts racing through my head. I wonder what she was going to say or do when she saw me. I wonder if she even remembered the squabble we got into last night. God, I hope she didn't. "Wait, Zayn."

Niall tugs at my sleeve the way a frightened child would. I turn around swiftly, raising an eyebrow. "Ni, can't this wait? I kind of want to talk to my girlfriend, who I don't know- almost died?" I say. Niall's face crumples and he buries himself in his hands, sobs wracking his body.

"You c-can't!" He hiccups between awful cries. I try to calmly coax out of my unstable best friend what has happened, but that's fairly difficult when your heart is threatening to leap out of your chest and your stomach has been tied in knots and dropped to the very bottom of your body.

"Niall what's going on? Please, please what's happened to El?" I plead, voice shaking.

"Zayn, Elody's in a coma."

My breath shortens and I feel my knees weakening underneath my weight. My hands find the cold, smooth wall and I carefully lower myself back to the floor, hyperventilating. "No. No, no, no. Not happening. Just a dream, a nightmare." I gasp for air, and begin to rock back and forth like a mental case with my head in my hands. "Has to be. Elody has to be okay, she has to be." Niall's cries turn into white noise, I can barely notice them over the roaring in my ears and the erratic beating of my heart. Tears roll down my cheeks, faster and faster, as I begin to think of her. What if she never woke up? What if she stayed like this forever? What if she woke up and didn't remember me; or anything else? What if she woke up and had permanent damage done?

This was all my fault, if I hadn't opened my stupid mouth and acted like such a conceited arse she would've been with me right now. She would've been right by my side, head buried in my neck, arms thrown lazily over my waist, breathing soft and slow. And now- now she couldn't even breathe on her own. Now I couldn't hold her in my arms without hurting her further or setting off some machine. I killed her, I killed my baby, my princess, my sweetheart, my bunny, my love, my angel. My savior.

Someone's footsteps echo throughout the abandoned hallway. "Hey Niall," It was Louis, who was talking in a soft, mature tone, completely unlike him unless the situation was grave. "Why don't you go get some water with Haz in the cafe, yeah?" Niall sucks in a shallow breath before dragging his feet down the hallway, signaling that he was leaving. I pick my head up to look at Lou, standing over me with a pained expression.

"She's doing better, you know. They think they may be able to take her off the venilator if she stays on this path."

"So does that mean she'll be out of the coma soon?" I ask quietly, eyes becoming misty.

Louis rubs the back of his neck sheepishly and for a while, he's silent. "No, Zayn. I'm sorry. They don't know how long it's going to be.." He trails off sadly. I have to bite my lip to keep from wailing like I had just been stabbed, except this was worse. So much worse.

After five minutes of watching me battle with my vocal chords and the fact my girlfriend could potentially never wake up, Louis tugs me up onto my feet and starts to lead me to her room. "I can't! Louis, I can't do this! Let go!" I yell, struggling to break free from his iron grip. Damn, was he working out more? He suddenly lets go and glares at me, eyes burning with disgust.

"Oh, I'm sorry? Is this about you now?" He spits angrily. "You can't do this? What about your girlfriend, Zayn? What about Elody? My God, do you know how lucky you are to have her? Do you?" I swallow the lump in my throat and stare at the floor, ashamed.

"She was always there for you. ALWAYS. The time you were drunk as hell and couldn't get home, she drove a half hour at two in the morning to get you, no complaints. The time you were sick and your mum couldn't take care of you, she dropped everything and took care of you, no complaints. Every single time you bitch about something, she never gets mad, she simply listens, no complaints. And she loves you for YOU, Zayn Jawaad Malik from Bradford, not from One Direction. Do you know how hard it is to find a girl like that? Well I'll tell you, it's not fucking easy." He pauses, then points to her room. "And now when she really needs you, you bail on her. Jesus Christ Zayn, be a man! She NEEDS you."

Louis pushes past me, fuming. He had every right to be, he was right. She needed be and I was acting like a complete child. "Just do it, Zayn." I suck in a breath and grab ahold of the silver doorknob, listening to the soft clicks with every turn. I carefully step inside and shut the door behind me, and that's when I see her. She looked so little, so helpless, so vulnerable. Her tiny, frail frame was engulfed in stark white sheets. Her rosy cheeks and wildly blonde hair seemed drained of their colors. A large tube was shoved in her mouth, a strange whooshing sound being made every time she took a breath- or rather when it took a breath for her.

Wires covered her arms and hands, and countless machines beeped and buzzed and chirped faintly in the background. I walk over to a plastic orange chair placed by her bedside and sit down, transfixed on her broken self. I take her cold, unresponsive hand in mine. "I'm so sorry, El. I'm so sorry." I whisper, pressing my lips to her fingertips. "I love you to the moon and back." A single tear rolls down my cheek and the only thing I can think of is how much I wish it was me laying there in that bed, not Elody. Not her.