These past few months I have been feeling neglected as a friend almost. Like, I'm not good enough for my friends anymore. My best friend; we'll call her Blondie, got a boyfriend, and while I am so happy for her, I'm not happy that I'm always the third choice behind her new friends. I'm the friend that gets called when everyone else is busy. The one who gets called when nobody wants to listen to her. I almost feel like a burden when I try to make plans with her. And her boyfriend, oh I can't stand to be in the same room as him, and she knows that! But she still insists that when we hang out he be there with us. And to make things worse, there have been a few times when we'll have a girl's night at my house and he comes and picks her up..Am I wrong to feel this way? I have tried talking to her, multiple times, but nothing ever changes.
I have this other friend; munchkin, she was my other best friend. The first week of freshman year she was always constantly trying to make sure I was included. We have been inseperable for three years, but during the third everything started to drift apart. I had gotten viral bronchitis, it was the week before my birthday, the last week before Thanksgiving break, I hadn't gone to school that whole week. I never even got a text from her. Not one form of contact. But if it were her in my situation, I would have called and seen if she needed anything, I would have been there for her. But was she there for me? No. So I got mad and ended our friendship, on Twitter of all places. That is where I told her, not even @ ing her. I just tweeted it. She knew it was about her, and did nothing to try to fix it. We didn't talk for three to four months. But when we did start talking again, everything was always and still is kind of awkward. Like we're both not in this friendship. It's just difficult, and I probably shouldn't be feeling this way.
It's always been hard for me to make friends. I've always been the shy girl who doesn't talk much, who would much rather sit in the class and read instead of catch up on the latest gossip. It sometimes takes me months at a time to open up to a person in the flesh. I think that's why most of my friendships and relationships have been online. It's easier for me to be someone I'm not. That sounds terrible, it is really. Yeah sure I have made a friend recently and we've become very close, but she'll never know what my friends and I have gone through together. I guess what I'm trying to explain is that I feel lonely. I am so lonely and starting to be depressed. I haven't left my house willingly in months, sure my new friend and I make plans, but it feels like a chore almost. Don't get me wrong, I love hanging out with her, but I miss the days when "hanging out together" would be at my house, in pyjamas, watching movies and eating junk food. I don't like having to get dressed and deal with people. That is not ideal to me. Maybe it's just me overthinking, maybe I should go out and have fun and make friends, but I'd rather sit here, on Wattpad, and complain about my life because I have nothing better to do. Go ahead, judge me. I stopped having certain feelings a long time ago..
