The reason why I hate Christmas

Epilouge - Only If you knew

25th December, Boo Seungkwan was found dead beside his love, Chwe Hansol Vernon's Tomb. With two rings and three letters left behind.

One letter was to his mom.

The other was to his sisters.

The last one.... Was to, Jihoon.

.

.

.

.

.

-

All of Seungkwan's friends and family gathered at the hospital, disheartened to hear about the news.

Among all the people who were crying hard for the lost, Jihoon was one of them. He never really cried infront of everyone, but because of Seungkwan, he cried for the first time.

He was loss of words. That puff ball was always so bright, so happy and all joyous. Hansol's death did affect him, but he was reassuring everyone he was doing well. But apparently not, Jihoon regrets, so badly that he didn't stay by his side when he needed a leaning shoulder.

Flashback to 7 years ago

"Hyung! Hyung! Hyung!" Seungkwan shouted from afar, trying to get the attention of Jihoon who was sat by his table mixing some music.

"What Kwan? I'm busy!" Jihoon was annoyed, he haven't even got to finish his task, and now he's bothered by Seungkwan.

"YOU HAVE NO IDEA, I SAW THIS GUY, HE WAS DAMNNNNNNNN HANDSOME!" Seungkwan exclaimed exaggeratedly, his eyes sparkles. That was when, Jihoon knew that it was the start of his nightmare.

Jihoon hummed in response, eyes not leaving the bright screen infront of him. Seungkwan then continued "You have no idea he was THAT handsome you know? Like, Leonard DiCaprio level? Oh man, I really wish we can together someday..."

There was no response, then Seungkwan smacked Jihoon hard "yah! Hyung are you listening to me?"

Little did he know that, Jihoon heard every single word clearly. It was hard to concentrate, it was hard to be emotionless , god damn it was hard. But he had to, no he needs to act on, like nothing happened.

"I'm trying to finish my assignment Kwan..." Jihoon whispered softly, trying to sound as strong as he could. "But hyungggg~" Seungkwan continued on, as he tried to turn Jihoon's chair towards him.

Jihoon gave Seungkwan a tired state and sighed, "Kwan, I'm really very tired and have no energy to entertain you, I haven't slept since two days ago... Now if you would please let me rest, I'll appreciate it..." Before he turning his attention back on the screen, typing away.

"NO HYUNG, YOU NEED TO SLEEP NOW! HOW CAN YOU NOT SLEEP FOR TWO FREAKING DAYS?!" Seungkwan screamed at the top of his lungs and nearly got Jihoon jumping out of his chair.

"Kwan I-" Jihoon wanted to explain but was pulled out of his seat by Seungkwan, and was dragged across his studio back to his bed room, which is about a few steps away.

"I'm sleeping with you today I don't care!" Seungkwan announces before pushing Jihoon down on the bed, covering him up with blanket. He snuggles close to Jihoon, keeping the other tightly in his arms, and his leg draped over him keeping Jihoon from running away. Jihoon hates skinship, so he stayed like a dead log in the embrace. It's always uncomfortable to be close to others, however it somehow seems right and okay when it comes to this fluff ball.

Sometimes, just sometimes Jihoon would wonder how it is like to speak up his feelings. How it feels like to claim Seungkwan as 'his' , how it feels like to have Seungkwan stop talking about other guys but himself only. How it feels like this and that, but in the end of the day, he just couldn't gather his courage to confess. Maybe because he felt that Seungkwan deserved someone better than him.