Yugen

Chapter one

As I stood in the grass that seemed to creep as vines do, trapped to myself, my essence circulating around me suffocating my motion. My voice, desperately trying to convey trepidation, was eliminated even before surfacing. My eyes unable to search for an explanation, stared straight into the unusually lit forest. My tears though unaware of my captivity, flowed from my deep ultramarine, ocean eyes, down my now flushed cheeks. My desperate mind longing for the truth, the answer, unable to recall any events, memories, prior. I could sense an acing, an empty pit, once filled with flourishing, alive thoughts. My presence there lingered without purpose in the absence for what seemed close to an hour. Every few moments evidence of soon releasement teased but never revealed itself.
My mind soon failing to react to the false hope almost went into silence as my stiff fingers in unison to my body jerked as I had previously longed for. The vines suppressing my movement released, dead as soon as I came to the conscience of my freedom. On order my feet stepped forward, I hesitantly walked, I just walked, not knowing where I was. In the back of my clouded mind, my actions seemed uncannily right, my destination unknown to myself.
In stress, I pulled at my lengthy deep coffee shaded hair. My fingered ripping the strands from my scalp but myself desensitized to the pain, I couldn't stop, the urge undefined. The clumps in my hands saddening the atmosphere even more so, as I couldn't bring myself to look at my once soft locks that were now bloody and tangled in my palms. In distraction my bare feet grazed in the soft grass, occasionally reaching a rough patch which they surpassed without much acknowledgment.
My body ceased to take another step, hesitant to adopt vulnerability, hesitant to know. My eyes wandering, attempting to distract my mind. The earth around me seemed familiar but confused. The knowledge of everything but nothing was consuming me. My emotions distorted, powerless, impotent from reacting. I knew the grass, the oaks, the Brookes, but not what was mine or how they fit together in my place, in me. I knew these things did not belong to my reality but the knowledge what did belong was lost.
I found my attire peculiar, I could not grasp the reason why, but the satin lilac dress which I assumed as sleepwear adorned my thin, almost seemingly sickly frame. I couldn't help but wonder if where I was was possibly a dream, maybe a state of mind but everything, every breeze of wind, every step on the soft grass, seemed too real to be as if my senses were heightened. That was my explanation, that was what I wanted to be the explanation. It had to be a dream, my memories ungraspable and my attire was incriminating. I waited, I sat by the water of a puddle, I believed soon enough I would awaken from the trance that seemed to be taking over, and I would be there, where unknown, but in my normality.
I clenched my fists as the annoyance of ignorance flowed through my veins. Still waiting by the water for what seemed like only minutes but the sky made progress towards night that seemed atypical. The tears once more flooded, the solution of what to do still unknown. The night came too soon and I found myself struggling to comprehend.
I never awoken from what I hoped was asleep, more questions than answers were impossible emerged. I knew what I needed. I needed shelter, protection from what lurked in the night, but that not what I wanted. I wanted something, a feeling, other than anxiety, fright, annoyance. peace, that's what my body longed for. I stood in search of a light, something that would take me, consume me. I saw in the faint distance of the unknown the glisten of the cobalt water that swayed in the reflection of the moon to the wind. I didn't stop to think if what I was doing was a good idea in any sort but I walked to my determined destination and it arrived sooner than I thought it should have. My reflection foggy in the water seemed to reflect the quality of the craved liquid paradise. My fingers quickly removed the straps of satin from my pale shoulders that complemented the moon. The nightdress slipped off my body with ease I placed the dress safely in the grass near the entrance. My feet before I could think one more thought intruded into the water disrupting the previous peace.
I floated there in that water without the emotions that pried at my light. I truly for once felt awake since the incident that abducted my mind, more so than when the vines released, just letting go of the troubles that haunted me. The moon extremely full hovering above the body of water relaxed my eyes letting me go. Almost asleep, I floated on my back feeling weeds and the bumping of fish as I did. My trance continued until a sudden and off cracking exterminated the silence and sent me into a sudden fear. Fifty feet away from where I had laid my dress was a presence, dark and large. that was impossible not to detect, created a one hundred percent awareness that I was not alone.