diary of an ally

Homophobia: First Encounters

Let's set the scene.

I was probably about 7, and i was at my maternal grandparents' house. My grandma was playing piano, and i asked if she would teach me. She picked up a book from her collection, filled with beginner's songs.

She helped me out with a few notes and let me on my way to mess around. I found a song that looked easy and started playing.

I sang along best i could and it got to the ever so risky line, in my grandma's mind.

I can't remember what the exact line was, but i just know it said 'gay' in the denotation of 'happy'.

As soon as the word escaped my lips my grandma walked over and softly closed the book, saying something along the lines of it not being a good word.

At the time i didnt know what the other denotation of 'gay' was. I only really knew it from the song I Feel Pretty, the 1961 West Side Story version.

But i still wouldnt say i was sheltered.

Most definately not by my parents.

My dad is kind of old school chill, if you know what i mean. A little judgy at things that are new to him, but nevertheless overall accepting.

My mom is most definately chill with almost everything- shes willing to listen to the music my brother and I play and even attempts to sing along to some My Chemical Romance songs, not caring for the occasional swears. She is more of a third child in the family, making dirty jokes on a regular basis. And ive been able to hold full conversations with her about sexuality. The best part is she has told me that though she'd prefer i marry a guy, if i was bi or lesbian she would still love me nonetheless, because im still her child.

Exactly what every lgbtq+ deserves to hear.

My second big encounter with my grandparents' homophobia didnt come until last year.

I was at a choir concert. It was afterwards, and we were hanging around the commons outside the auditorium. As i sat on a table my grandpa started complaining about the director's attire.

As i had been in this director's class for two years, i was well aware of him being gay, its not at all like he tries to hide it.

"His pants are too short," my grandpa commented, "and hes not wearing socks. That would never pass in my day."

Keep in mind my grandpa was born in the 1930s. And was a reverand in a church.

My mother tried explaining to him how times were different, trying to step around his sexuality. When it did slip out,my grandpa left without another word.

That was the moment i really realized my grandparents' thoughts on homophobia.

A third encounter was with my mom's sister. Not directly, at least not that time.

It was the year the live action Beauty and the Beast came out. My mom mentioned to me how my aunt had told her we werent allowed to see the movie because one character was subtextually gay.

The only reason for her to try and prevent us from seeing the movie was because Lefou danced with another guy at the end, among other small details.

Then again, this is the same person who told my mother she's a fake Christian because she believes in the paranormal.

A lot of these details led me to have a distaste for religion.

Thus, as i write this now, i am atheist.

Obviously thats not the only reason, but it is among them.