Unconditional Love?

Why did I ask for it if I'm already receiving it?

I knew I was loved by so many people.

March 22, 2017. I have met this girl who changed & ruined my life at the same time. (Jk, I ruined it myself) Let us name her Kryptonite. I knew it before that she had a boyfriend. But still I insisted her to give me a place even just as a second. I begged for her love. We got to know each other each day. We witnessed each other's character, flaws, emotions and everything. We were happy back then. I was contented with the time and attention she was giving me. Each and every day, I knew I loved her even more. And I would say...

She was my obsession.
She was my luxuries.
She was my addiction.
She was my world.
And she meant everything to me.

Before I met her, I thought I was already complete and there is nothing more to change about myself. I thought I already have the love I know I deserve. But when I met her, I realized that I can't give the right love for the people I want to love if I can't even give the right love for my own self.

I started hating myself when I have met her. Because the day that I've met her was the day I felt so small. Small for begging for her love and attention.

When I was still studying, I was good at taking people for granted. I wasted their time and energy for nothing. I was really a dumb ass kid. I wasn't thinking that maybe it will happen to me too. Or worst than this. And yes, it has happened to me. Worst than I did.

I was broken hearted when I finally noticed her..

She was my room mate.

I shared everything to everyone in the room about my heartbreak. We were drinking alcohol if I'm not mistaken. She once held my hand trying to comfort me for everything I was going through that moment. I felt something, I really felt something different.

We have one room mate who knows everything about us. Let us name her KC.

KC was teasing us like maybe we are the one who destined for each other. I felt happy about that. And I assumed maybe it was okay or maybe I could give it a try.

I always chat her that time like I really do care about her.

One night, I was waiting for her to come home but she didn't come home. She came home the next day. And I didn't greet her. Because I got jealous.

There is one more night happened to us.

We were both lying in the bed. I drew closer to her. I can't remember everything but I knew I held her right hand. And I knew that our arms are tied together. And that is when I started to kiss her. That was our first kiss! (O M G. That good kiss I've never felt with somebody before) She kissed me back.. When I felt her, and her soul. I knew it.

She was my perfect.
She was my beautiful.
She was my angel.
She was my star.
She was my favorite.
She was my music.
She was my color.
She was my fate.
She was my destiny.
She was my love.

It might be wrong but I felt something right. And I knew it before, that she is the only one I wanted to feel more and more each day and everyday.

Her character.
Her beauty.
Her smell.
Her behavior.
Her voice.
Her smile.
Her laugh.