Stuck in the middle (Harley+Ethan)

Unfair

This chapter in a few years later. Ethan is 7. Harley is 4.

Ethan's Pov.

I can't sleep.

I'm never able to sleep.

I try over and over again but I am never able to sleep. Maybe it's because I'm not tired.

No.

I'm very tired.

Maybe it's because I'm lost and confused.

No.

I'm not lost or confused.

Lost means that you are being searched for and trying to be found. I am nowhere to be found. I was put here for a reason. That's not lost.

I am also not confused. Why should I be confused. I know why I'm here. I know what I'm doing. The only thing i don't know is why I'm still here.

If they didn't want me and didn't care for me, why didn't they just kill me. I would rather be dead than live the way I'm living.

The orphanage isn't bad, don't get me wrong but it's not my home. I have no home and I never will because they say home is where the heart is but I have no heart. It died a long time ago.

Sorry to have bombarded you with my thoughts but it's 3am and I'm talking to myself.

Eventually morning came and it was time to get up. I was the only one up at 5am. I got ready and packed my things. Then I left.

How long have I lived in that place? I don't really remember.

There is a lot of things I don't remember.

Like how many family members I had nor what they look like. What my house looked like. What my parents were like when I was younger. How much I look like them. When the last time I was happy was.

I know that this seems sad but I don't want pity and sympathy. I want someone to help me not just look at me. I have yet to find a person like that.

Wait.....

Where am I?

I don't know where I am, I was in my head as I was walking and now I'm scared.

The world started to spin as I started to hyperventilate. Tears slowly started to fall down my cheeks as I wondered, probably looking like a drunk person as I walked.

I started to take deep breaths to get my breathing under control as I leaned against a pole on the side walk. My vision started to focus and in my sight was a house with yard full of toys and a huge playground set in the background.

My head started to hurt as a blinding pain shot through my body, it was as if I was being stabbed everywhere simultaneously.

Pictures started to flash through my head. They were of this house and people with blury faces. Yelling and screaming, crying and sobbing. The only feeling that I got from these images were pain and suffering.

Then as if the pain of the panic attack and images weren't enough, I suddenly remembered.

This used to be my house.

This is where I used to live.

My parents hated us.

After lulling myself together as much as I could. Tears still flowing down my face, I walked up to a window wand looked inside. I saw a couple who I am assuming are my biological mother and father, smiling brightly at a 3 or 4 year old little girl and twin babies who look to be newborns.

They look so happy together. I wish I was happy like this.

This used to be my family. So why are they so happy when all I can remember is pain.

It hit me in waves.

Of course they are happy. I'm not there to upset them.

I guess the little girl is Harley. The one person my parents loved.

I hate her. Even from the window she is perfect. I guess that is why they didn't want me around her. Maybe they didn't want the broken hated child around the perfect daughter with everything they could want.

And I'm okay with that but I don't care anymore. I am so through with those people.

I may not try to be a part if their family ever but I will always resent them.

I.....

I never.....

Ever...

Want a family.

The one that was supposed to love me didnt give a crap about me and I refuse to give a crap about anyone.

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This chapter hurt me. I know what comes next and I don't really like it but it needs to happen for where my story is going. I apologize.

The next chapter will probably be posted sometime today.

Bye beautiful people 🙌🙌🙌