Chance & Time

Time

I like you.

That's what you want to hear from me, right? You want to hear that I like you too. But you know, you don't always get what you want. Even if you said, I don't need to give back the love you're giving me, I know, deep inside, you're longing for your love to be returned.

You're too kind to be rejected. But I hate the fact that you broke up with your girlfriend just to say that you love me and that you're not expecting for me to return it. Oh, come on, why would you even say it if you don't want anything in return?!

Okay. Sorry. I got so angry. Okay, I think I need to calm down and explain it in detail to you.

Okay, so, when I got to read your letter, I was so shocked like I'm gonna die out of embarrassment. Three years ago, I didn't even knew you. Your face is not even familiar. I'm sorry. But I knew how I met you for the first time. My friend introduced you to me or vice versa. Sorry, I didn't know the exact details. I don't have a vivid memory like yours.

I always stay at the locker area because of my phone. I don't know but I'm obsessed checking my phone from time to time even if no one is texting or chatting me. And I didn't even know you were there all those times. The locker area is so crowded everytime I went there so, yes, I didn't noticed you staring at me. And if I only knew, I would not stay there. I hate it when I know that someone is staring at me. Like it's so creepy.

About the love at first sight thing, that's what I said when you insisted that love at first sight is true. How can you love someone you just met? Right, you're just curious and interested but it's not love.

Okay, back to the topic, I really appreciate everything you did for me. I know some of those were really a sacrifice and I am really, really thankful for that. All those stuffs that you're doing for me, I thought, you're just doing it for everybody because you're just so nice. But now that I've read your letter, I feel sorry for you. Sorry if I didn't saw your sacrifice. Sorry if I didn't know you're suffering because of me. And sorry if I can't do the same for you. But can I ask you a favor? Can we just be like what we were before? Friends.

I am so comfortable at you like, I can share some of my secrets with you. And you know that my secrets were all buried not in a diary but they're scattered among my friends. And you're one of them. You are my friend.

Actually, I already noticed your effort. Maybe, it's a few weeks before the letter thingy. But I didn't take it seriously. I don't know why. Maybe because I don't like you? Or maybe because I don't want our friendship to be ruined? Or maybe because I hate it that some girl is hurting because of me.

Your confession won't get out. I mean, trust me, nobody will know that I rejected you unless, you said it yourself because I won't tell anyone. I'll just pretend that it didn't happen. And please, go back to your girl. You don't love me. You're just interested in me but it's not love.

And yes, I'm still single but the time is not right. And the time will never be right for us.

P.S. I like him, even if he's gay.