Moon Struck

Chapter 5

Jason walks me home, however this time I could feel the negative presence of my mother floating around my gloomy house. I close the door carefully, interpreting to enter the house without aggregating any sound. Tiptoeing to the front door, I feel my mother’s hands grab my left shoulder securely, and it immediately freezes, like the rest of my nonsensical body. 

“Where have you been Mel?” She says, as she forcefully turns me around.

“Um – Why are you home?” I say, almost like a whisper.

“I got off from work early today because my head wasn’t working quite well, just like yours clearly. Now where have you been?” She replies, still focusing on the topic, reluctant of my attempt to change the topic.

“I just felt energetic so I decided to take a walk around the neighborhood for a while.”

“And you left the house unaccompanied and unlocked? Have you lost your mind? – Oh wait, that happened a long time ago.” She shrieks, without even a trace of guilt in her eyes.

I just stare at her bitterly, my eyes start to get glassy as I bite my tongue to hold back the tears, and I wait for an act of remorse, but she just turns away, disappointed, and so do I. I storm up the stairs, holding back my erupting tears for as long as I could, until I finally reach my room and drop to the compacted floor and finally let the tears flood. My knees collide the floor, just like ice caps collapsing into the ocean because of what slowly diminished them; in my case I was slowly diminishing myself.

Before my brain even accepts the thought, my heartbeat starts to accelerate and so do my tears. Frantically, I search for something to cure the anxiety building up in my chest, and I spot my razor blade, hidden underneath a dusty pile of books, that I had hid there in my last attempt to cure my panic attack. Reluctant of my self-harm ‘recovery’ process, I grab the blade and battle myself to feed it: half of me forcing myself to recover and half of me forcing the blade to submerge into my scarred skin. With whatever strength that remained in my body, I threw the blade to the edge of the room and suddenly it felt like I could breathe again. Like the fog that slowly built up in my chest in the past few minutes had evaporated somehow, like rainy clouds detaching to display a sunny day.

The real panic was over, but aroused again when I realized that Jason could be a part of me now and I couldn’t let my immortalities destroy him as well. As I lay panting on the ground, I regret going for a walk and looking into Jason’s affectionate eyes, for I knew I would soon hurt him because of the way I am. I have to let go of Jason. He has to be on the prolonged list of things that I have loved but have been taken away, but a happy part of me that he created will be taken with him - just like all the others.