My Journal

Today.

Today is one of the most toughest days of my life... I'm going through serious depression and I escape the feeling of being lonely by writing fanfictions of relationships I'll never have... because whether I like it or not, I'm ugly in real life. I'm not one of those lucky girls who can get into a relationship with a boy or look good in anything. I'm just fat and ugly. My own mother says that I'm fat. I take words seriously, that's why bullying is a big impact... all I ever wanted was to be loved by someone... someone who cares about my life... but sometimes you can't find them. I've found a few... right now... out of 20 friends... 4 stuck with me... but the other 16 leaving did not help me at all. I want everyone to be happy... it's just the selfishness of you wanting to be happy as well. I take pride whenever I can make someone happy, but later... I ask myself why I can't be happy either.

I hate myself very much... I write fanfiction just to escape... and I love the encouragement I'm getting for my writing, it makes me feel special whenever I think that someone thinks that I really do earn something. It means a lot... but sadly... because of everything else in my life.. I'm about to take my own life... it sounds bad I know... maybe I'll pull through it somehow... I just hope no one will bully me for this... I've been contemplating about releasing this journal for everyone to see... I just want to tell my story. I just want to see the other side of their writer.

I'm sorry... I'll try my best to stop hurting myself like this... thanks for your support.