The Simpsons: A Crazy World

The Simpsons: It's A Crazy Life

Chapter One: The TAKEN Children

Ralph Wiggum is a young’un who picks at his nasal passage every day. He got up at 4AM to brush his yellow brittle tiny tot teeth. He ran nude in the middle of the street, and was seen by a middle aged super religious Christian man by the name of Ned Flanders. Flanders began to squirm and cry.

In the morning, his mommy helped him get dressed since he put his clothes on the wrong way. He is of minor intelligence, so he walked to school the wrong way.

Then, without any sign, a child-snipper captured him. A Man Assistant, Brian spotted him picking his boogers, so he shoved a penny down his throat to remind him how vulnerable he really is. The child-snipper and Man Assistant stuffed him into their car’s trunk, on a mission to capture more vulnerable innocent, young children. On the road, they saw another young child, Lisa walking to school, so the Man Assistant ran after her, capturing her as well. Since Lisa was panicking, she was thrown with Ralph in the trunk and the child-snipper who looked like Hitler decided to get out a pair of children’s extra sharp School-IO scissors and a rope, as well as child sized handcuffs. Their car had an area used for tying objects, so they got Lisa to stop moving and tied her to it. They injected counterfeit sedatives from China into her feet fingers and skinny willy arms and shoulder prior to tying her up. She was motionless, so Man Assistant decided to cut off her fingers and while he was in the midst of cutting off the index finger, she began to wake up and move. Blood is running down Lisa’s arms and covering her entire body. Ralph has been stored in the other part of the car while this occured. Lisa has been screaming out in pain and was crying and kicking the Man Assistant’s nose. Brian, the Man Assistant was also planning on cutting off her feet fingers, but he decided not to. Already, one hand’s fingers had been cut off and the other one was missing it’s middle, pinky, and index fingers. There were several cameras in the trunk which had filmed footage of the scene. Lisa was kept in the back and was splashing out with blood. Blood was covering everything entirely. Ralph was put back into the bloody trunk. The kidnappers had forced music into the back of the trunk to make the screaming discreet. The song playing while they drove off was Lionel Hutz Rock feat. Blake Shelton, Luke Bryan and Florida Georgia Line. The cameras had been filming, so they captured Ralph beatboxing to the song’s country rap lyrics:
“...I’ve got cows in mah barn yeah cows in my barn /the chickens bein’ slaughtered for my precious daughter/ I got the hell outta Arkansas/yeah the movie Frozen’s got me chosen for my long term truck drivin’ career/all my beer’s gone rotten so it’s left me spottin’ on my…”
The song was extremely popular and all the children would sing along to it’s nonsensical lyrics. The cameras had automatic settings that sent the videos they captured to Kidztube.org, a Christian children’s video site.
“Wa-oh-we-oh!” a combination of moaning and crying had escaped from Lisa’s exhausted pipes.
“Are you okay? Blood is running away from your Finger-Sticks® brand fingers’ holes. Some of your fingers are chopped off! Daddy tells me not to pick my nose, so blood doesn’t run from it. Were you picking at the fingers that they came off?” Ralph stating and asking obvious questions to Lisa.
“Uhhhh, ouch!!!” Lisa moaned from her condition.
Blood was still pouring out of Lisa’s fingers onto the trunk, soaking it more with every second. Blood had even got on Ralph.
“Ahhh, there’s blood on me!” Ralph smiled, admiring every drop that had spilled on him. 
Soon, Ralph was so much in awe, he decided to put his entire hand in his mouth and sucked onto it’s juicy blood taste.
“This flavor reminds me of the meat Daddy made that made me really stink.” Ralph mumbled with his hand in his mouth. When Ralph eats rare steaks he gets extremely gassy.
“Ohh…..” Lisa moaned.

Chapter Two: The Mysterious Murder

The car had gone over a noticeable speed bump, so the children had tumbled against each other. Lisa grew unconscious. Ralph without realizing her status, began to poke her out of pure boredom. She was unresponsive to the pokes and her skin grew cold. Ralph hit her head and she was still frozen. Blood still continued to flow out of her finger slots, draining her body out of blood.
The entire trunk resembled a scene from CSI: MIAMI. Ralph began to spit on her open, but now dead eyes. Lisa’s body had bled to the max, and the result was death.
Ralph, as a retarded child, did not realize that she was dead. So, as special ed children would, he fed her several dried up bloody boogers. He stuffed several of them from his left nostril inside her eye sockets. He used the ones from his right nostril to insert in her throat.
It had been about two hours time since her fingers were cut off. There was no more blood for her to bleed, so she had stopped. Her body had shriveled up and her skin lost its yellow tone due to iron deficiency, making it a pale ugly color. Her bones could be seen through her skin. It was a very graphic sight for everyone to see.
The car came to a strong jolt and stopped moving. A loud commotion was heard outside even with a now different tune, Disco Stu and Burns Waltz ft. Luke Bryan (yes, all popular country songs featured Luke Bryan) and Rascal Flatts, playing at full volume.
Ralph heard the PO_LICE sirens, and assumed it was his father, Chief Wiggum.
He got excited and kicked Lisa and got on all fours like a dog he pretended to be, Wiggle Puppy. This dog could even fly and save the day. A tool was used by Wiggum to open the locked trunk.
One of the Action-and-Reaction cameras had turned and focused on Chief Wiggum. Ralph was happy to reunite with his daddy. The scene Chief Wiggum saw was very graphic and grotesque for any child or grown-up eye to see. There was drops of blood spilling onto the side of the road and there was also blood clots everywhere.
The assistant cops had arrested Man Assistant, Brian and child snipper, who’s name was found to be Joey Dreyfus.
Chief Wiggum fainted due to the graphic disgusting sight. Ralph socked his daddy to wake him up.
“Ohhhh! That really hurt! OUCHIE!!!” Chief Wiggum screamed and woke up.
“Lisa Simpson is dead.” Larry the cop announced.