Toni trash

my first something

this is it. i'm really doing this.

so this is a really big problem of mine to be honest.

so there's this guy i met a few weeks ago and he's funny and cute and everything and we talk since friday on facebook too. so i kinda told him that i have problems with making friends and that i don't really have friends to be honest.

and now... i told him that i was bored and his respond was 'make friends'.

so it sounds so easy but it's so hard to really do it. it hurt that he wrote it but i know he didn't mean it in a bad way. at least i really hope so. i didn't text back i don't know how to respond to that and i'm kinda mad at him to be honest.

i don't really know that i'm right, well i don't think so that he really do but it's just kinda make me feel like he thinks i'm a pathetic little girl who can't even make friends. well i think that i am and sometimes i'm just so sure that what i think about me is what others think about me.

i'm really bad at making friends. i'm introverted like really and i have social anxiety and it's just makes everything worse for me. i don't know how and where should i make friends and i always think that they don't like me and it's really hard to believe that it's not true.

i'm just really don't know what to do. i don't know how to do anything about it to be honest.

and if that wasn't enough; i was thinkin about it, i mean about him texting me this... so i just think that he doesn't need someone like me in his life. he just feels untouchable to me and it's weird that he talked to me in the first place.

and the other thing is that i had friends in the past like really good friends. i think they were at least. but when something bad happened to me they just ditched me like i wasn't even existed. when they were sad or had a dark moment in their lives i always tried to help them but they didn't do it for me.

and this- - this made me feel like i don't deserve friends. like everybody has someone who they can talk to and me? i'm here alone trying not to go insane from keeping everything inside me.

well that's all i wanted to write first. do anyone have the same problem? or had? if you can help i would be happy to hear it and i think i'm not the only one.

if you have really bad thoughts just dm me. i tryna help you. i hope i can.