My Thoughts Run Wild

Fear.

Excitement was thick in the air
Colors and flags, full of pride, were everywhere
Love and laughter and freedom
To be who you were
And feel no fear
The people I had met, the things I had seen
Everything felt like a dream
Only to be shattered by a fire alarm's scream
We huddled outside the doors
As people streamed out into the rain
Now everyone was here
Gays, bis and queers
I began shaking, though not from the cold
A girl, she put a sweater on my back but no,
I was shaking from fear of the things I'd been told
There was a target on our backs, fish in a barrel
Perhaps no one felt it, the fear that I had
They were dancing and laughing, all jumping around
While there I stood wondering,
"When will I hit the ground?"
I asked, "Would I fall and play dead
Or save a girl I just met?"
Because you can see here
Is that a dream full of happiness
Can become a nightmare of fear.

Author's note: yeah, so all of my poems or whatever are based on feelings and stuff, but this one seems the most real. I'm not out to my parents (conservative, homophobic), but I wanted to go to a "pride prom" dedicated for queer kids. I told them a friend and I were going out to dinner in the general area where the dance was gonna be and that I was going to sleepover afterwards. My friend couldn't come, so I went alone. I met a lovely girl and her friend, and together we met another lovely boy. We hung out most of the night, until it was time for the girl and her friend to leave. Just as we were walking out together, the fire alarm went off. They all seemed ready to go outside, but I was more reluctant, wanting to stay in the building. I didn't know what was happening, I didn't smell any smoke. I thought back to an article I read about school kids being afraid of fire drills because it might be a school shooting set up. And that was just racing through my head. I asked my friends when their mom was going to be there, hoping that she was delayed so I could get us into my car away from the huge crowd. I didn't want to be in a mass of people, an easy target. I'm sure I wasn't the only one thinking this, but everyone I saw around me didn't seem worried at all. I was so scared. I thought that maybe that was the night I would die, just because I'm queer. I was wondering, if I heard shots, would I drop to the floor or  tackle people down to the ground and lie on top of them. There was a girl I just met, a year younger than me. Would I save myself or possibly die trying to save her? Thankfully, nothing like that happened. The fog machine had set off the smoke and fire alarm, not a terrorist. But yeah, guys stay safe. And if you can safely do so, find people who are homophobic and tell them my story. Tell them how their mindset is dangerous for teenagers. The youngest person there was thirteen. The oldest would be twenty, excluding the people who set this up. Children, teenagers, people who are barely adults could have been massacred because they are queer and others are homophobic. I am so grateful that nothing bad actually happened, but I'm also very aware of how bad things could have been.