Depression | Min Yoongi

Chapter One

"Hyung!" Jimin whined. A sigh escaped me as i turned my head towards the small guy. "What?" "Can i borrow some money.." He mumbled. "Again?" "This is the last time! I forgot them when i rushed out the door!" "Of course you can, Jiminie" I sighed and handed him some money. "Thanks hyung! I love you!" "Im sure you do" I chuckled.

"I really do!" He said and gave me a sideways hug. A small chuckle escaped me as i slightly pushed him away.

"Heres your coffee" I looked up at the girl and gladly took it. Just as i took it, Jimin quickly started putting in his order. "Of course, coming right up" The girl said and walked over to the machine.

"A mocha as well?" "I love them!" I smiled an ruffled his hair a bit before we walked outside, both with a coffee in our hand. 

"Its so cold!" Jimin complained and zipped his jacket even more, if it was even possible.

"I know, i know. But we'll be at Jin's place soon" I said and took a small sip. "I hope he's making food.. Im starving" I didnt reply and looked across the street.

A few friends were hanging out together, all laughing and smiling.

I bet those smiles are real..

Shaking my head, i tried to think of somehing else. Maybe how cold it was. How cute and touchy Jimin is. How the snow is falling down on the street. How miserable i actually am- Wait, we're here.

Jimin was about to knock on the door, when he suddenly stopped and turned to face me. "Are you okay, hyung? I know last night was difficult for you, we dont have to go in there if you dont want to-" "Im fine. Lets just go in there, they're probably waiting" 

Jimin gave me a worried look but soon knocked on the door. 

"Hey! About time, we were just about to start the movie" Jin said as we walked indoors.

Ive always enjoyed coming to Jin's place. Its nice and i have a lot of good memories here. I say memories, cause its never the same anymore.. We all know its not the same, but we keep trying to pretend it is.

It was all my fault.. 

"Sorry we're late, Jimin forgot his money" I said as i took off my jacket. "Hey! Okay, its actually true.." "What a shocker!" Jungkook teased. "Yah! Im older, respect me, brat!" 

"Awh, Jimin-shi" Jungkook chuckled. A small smile crept on Jimin's face, even tho he clearly tried to fight it. 

I went over and sat down in the couch next to Hoseok and Namjoon. I didnt say anything and just looked at the tv.

"How have you been holding up these last few days?" Namjoon asked. "The usual, fine" I know they both knew i was lying. I knew i was lying as well. 

"Yoongi.. Come on.." Namjoon said. "What about you guys, tho? You're always asking me" "Thats because-" "I know why.. But how are you guys? Please?"

"Im good" Taehyung said as he jumped down into the couch.  "I think we're all pretty good, actually" He continued. "Im glad to hear that" I simply said. 

I could see Hoseok was about to say something, but got interrupted as Taehyung suddenly clicked play on the movie, and Jin started running out in the living room, screaming "WAIT FOR ME" 

We all sat as close as possible in the couch with both snacks and soda. 

"WOAH, HE JUST SHOT HIM?! YOU CANT DO THAT! YOU JUST CANT DO THAT! NOT IN THE END OF MOVIE! WHAT THE HELL!" Taehyung yelled. "Calm down, we all knew it was gonna happen anyway" Jin said.

"BUT BUT-" "I think im gonna go home" I said and got up. 

"Already? Dont you want some dinner? I can cook some right no-" "Im not hungry, thanks" "I'll follow you home, hyung!" Jimin said and quickly got his jacket on. Knowing he wouldnt refuse, i just agreed and got my jacket on as well.

"Are you okay?" Hoseok asked just as i was about to leave. I said i was fine, but without knowing, i slightly shook my head. He looked at me with sad eyes, which is something i never want to see. 

I quickly turned around and started walking home. "Bye Jin, bye Jungkookie, bye Namj- HEY WAIT FOR ME" Jimin yelled and ran after me while waving goodbye to the others.

We quickly arrived at my place. 

"Are you sure you're okay? I can stay over if you'd like" "Im ok, thanks" I said without looking while unlocking my door.

"Yoongi, it wasnt your fault.. Please stop blaming it on yourself.." "I'll see you tomorrow, goodnight" I said and walked in. "Goodnight hyung.. I love you" "Thank you.. You too" I closed the door and quickly locked it, before collapsing on the couch, turning the tv on.

But it was my fault.. Its all my fault.. 

The feeling i know, oh so well, hit me hard.. I felt like i was drowning in my own thoughts, and i couldnt get up. I tried catching my breath, but nothing seemed to work. My sobs were stuck in my throat, but my tears were streaming down like a river.

I weakly reached over for my phone, and tried to unlock it. I couldnt quite see the numbers, everything was blurry, but eventually, i unlocked it.

Stop. Think about poor Jimin.. 

I tried my best to ignore the thoughts and slowly dialed in Jimin's number, putting it on speaker before i dropped it on the floor.

"Hyung? Are you there?" "J-Jimin.." A sob escaped me, which suprised me. "Oh god, listen to me. Breathe. Breathe in, and breathe out" "C-Cant.. I.. I c-ca-cant.." I whisper sobbed. "Im coming, im only a few blocks away! Breathe in, breathe out, okay? I'll be right with you!" 

I closed my eyes and let the darkness take over me. Everything sounded blurry. I was scared.. A weak noise of keys from outside got my attention back. Suddenly the door was opened roughly and i was soon met with a Jimin taking me in his arms.

"Its okay, im here, im here" He said. "I-Its my f-fa.. F-Fault.." I sobbed. "Listen to me.. Its not your fault.. None of this is your fault.. Its okay.. You havent done anything wrong.. Breathe in, and breathe out.. Breathe in, breathe out.."

I tried my best to do as Jimin said, but it was difficult. My sobs, that were stuck in my throat just a few minutes ago, were now coming non stop. 

"M-My fault.. I.. Im.." "Shh.. Breathe in, breathe out.." After a few minutes, i was able to control my breathing more and more.

I dont deserve you..

I slowly sat up and rubbed my eyes. "I'll go get you a glass of water, i know your throat hurts.." Jimin said and walked out in the kitchen.

We've done this so many times, he already knows what to do without me asking him..

"Here, drink this" Jimin said and handed me the glass. "Thanks.." I quietly said. "Let me stay over for the night.." "No" "Come on.. What if this happens again?" "I-I'll handle it.. Dont worry.." "It really wasnt your fault.." "But it was.." "It wasnt.. I promise.." "It was.. And i have to live with that.. Unless-"

"Dont you dare say that.. Me and the guys are still having talks about the time.. The time we found you with those pills in your hand.." Jimin said, tearing up a bit. "I-Im so so sorry.." I whispered. 

I remember that day.. It was the day, where i couldnt fight anymore. They caught me just before i swallowed the pills, and i lived at Jin's place for four months after that.. Ever since that day, they've all had extra keys to my house..

After tree hours, i finally convinced Jimin to go home. "I can stay.." "Please.. Im just gonna go to bed.. Thank you so so much.." He gave me a sad smile and pulled me into a hug, which i accepted.

After he left i locked the door and walked into my bedroom, weakly throwing myself on the bed. I closed my eyes and prayed that i wouldnt have the same dream that i have every night..

_________

hope you enjoyed uwu