Gasping For Love

-

Despite her lucid dreaming, she knows this night will outshine all of those dreams. Anticipation tickles her sight, placing a soft blanket of fog over her eyes. When she looks back on tonight years from now she won't be able to see any of it in her mind's eye, but the feeling in her chest will never fade.

"Why do you look at me like that?" She frowns and looks down, attempting to block out the sudden burning feeling in her cheeks. The feeling seemingly comes straight from the eyes of the girl beside her.

The girl's throat tightens, causing a forlorn, choking whisper.

"There's a war raging in my head all of the time. Even if I only glance at you, the little warriors shout out at me to look away, it's too painful. They battle over an explanation; does my stomach churn because your existence is a beautiful thing or because your beauty wreaks havoc upon my own existence? Sometimes I question what to call us because calling you my friend makes me sick. It's a lie. I'm sorry, can I take a second? My head is swimming."

She stands up and walks a few paces ahead. No one follows her. Not the girl, not her thoughts, not even the moon. She walks down a hill and into the dark, feeling nothing but the blades of grass sail across her ankles as she picks up speed. Dirty sneakers kick up mud, dotting the broken wall beside her. Eventually she slows down and wonders how many years it might take to turn back. Still, she thinks her soul might bare another few steps. A hop over a branch and she finds herself in a whole new world. She looks to the sky and sees twisted branches worn with age, hiding the stars from the girl and the girl from the stars.

Without even a glance behind her, she risks another step. No memories have faded yet but the moment brings on a wave of pain, a wave of poisoned familiarity.

Finally she turns it all off, she knows that if she lets a single thought slip through to her mind it will ruin everything and she will find herself lost forever.

Her feet spin her around and begin on the long journey back to home; she doesn't permit herself to imagine a reality where home isn't patiently waiting for her after all of these years. With the pent up courage of a poised cat she runs faster than she can, and the grass kisses her once again. The distance between her and her freedom quickly shrinks, much faster than it grew before. With another breath she finds herself touching noses with a frowning girl, and she realizes that this girl's familiar frown only shields from her own eyes a world of devotion and attachment.

With a single outstretched hand, though many years late, the frown fades and love prevails.