Vivid Dreams

Dive Bar

My dreams are wild.

My family went on vacation but they said I couldn't go. I felt hurt but they said it was important I stay at the house in case a package showed up. I went to volunteer at the kids school, and I ran into a teacher I hadn't seen in a long time. She was showing me some old things Thomas had done when suddenly I was in the cafeteria with Nola. We were laughing at some stupid joke, and my phone started ringing an alarm I'd never heard. She said "whelp, it's time for you to go." Puzzled, I walked outside to a driver who said he couldn't explain but needed to get me to the airport right away. I had left my phone in Nola's office, so I couldn't call anyone and for whatever reason I trusted the man that picked me up. Hours and hours and hours went by and I found myself outside a dive bar. I don't remember who I was with, but I know it wasn't Ashley, Sabrina, or SBB—they're apart of the story towards the end. We go inside and there's a drag show going on and I'm so excited. We are girl talking about nothing in particular, and across the bar, I swear I see Nel Grassi. That's weird. Where am I? I ignore the thought and tune back into the story my friend is telling so fast I start to lose every other word or so. I am sweaty and it feels so much louder now than a second ago. My skin feels prickly and my mouth goes dry as I look up and standing not 3 feet in front of me is my boy. My most beautiful boy. What is happening, where am I? The announcer fades away, and I take note that Scott is there too, but Mitch has locked eyes with me—or the person behind me—but either way my friend's voice has disappeared and there's no other sound than the soft giggle coming from Mitchy as he introduces Superfruit. They begin dancing across the stage and all I can think of is where is Sabrina? I shouldn't be here without Sabrina! I'm transfixed to the movements. The feet. The hips. The hands. The hands. Watch the hands. My ears are drumming a strange sound. I hear an explanation I don't quite filter all the way  because all my attention is honed in on the person that has gotten me through so much and I feel my shoulders relax in his presence. Time stands still as they perform song after song, or goes into hyperdrive; I'm really not sure. Their set is over, they wave goodbye, exit the stage, and I'm sitting in a stool at the bar, holding my face in my hands because I can't process what just happened. Someone taps my shoulder, I turn to Mike and Nel. I shake hands with her, and mike reaches out for a hug. He says it's so nice to finally meet me, and he was so excited when Allie approached him about us coming. Allie! I'm with Allie, wait what?! They are chatting about everything all at once, it feels like. I've gone into my place. The place I go when I have to memorize everything that has happened because please brandy, don't forget anything. My feet feel numb, but my back is screaming. I stand there, a third wheel to their conversation for what feels like an eternity. I get up to go to the bathroom, and as I turn I smack straight into Mitch who immediately laughs and apologizes, hands on my elbows to help stabilize obvious weak knees. I can feel myself slow blinking and willing my words to come out but I'm lost in somewhere between the curve of the smile, and the happy wrinkles around the eyes and my brain is simply incapable of forming actual words. I scramble for anything to say, fail, and stumble off humiliated to find the bathroom. Of course it's outside. Fumbling with the key, I let out a terrifying screech before I even realize I'm making the sound because I heard feet scraping the gravel just behind me. Mitch. He said his mom told him to come make sure I was ok, and I think I'm dry heaving or maybe I'm just dying inside. He hands me the key I dropped, and my now shattered cellphone—wait, I didn't have my phone!—and he's so upset that it's broken. I've forgotten all about the bathroom at this point, and we walk over to the tailgate of a pickup truck. Our legs are both swinging and he says he remembers seeing me at a few Ptx shows. The words "shut the fuck up" fly from my mouth faster than my brain can filter them, and he laughs that sound again. He asked about me, and I'm telling him about my kids and how much I love them. He's asking follow up questions and I think this is a conversation now? I take note that I am sitting outside with Mitch Grassi having a very normal conversation and I'm not dying, so obviously I need to tell the whole world that I'm actually an alien or a superhero or something, because where else could this brevity be coming from?! He's telling me about Beau, and how happy he is and my heart is melting. He asks how I discovered Pentatonix, and I laugh at such a boring event that has changed my life. I just say "Little Drummer Boy, but it really just started there..." I'm explaining my "story" and he's soaking in every word. He's laughing about Chanel changing her username. He says he knows SBB from all the shows she goes to. He recalls Ashley from the DC show. I'm trying to explain Sabrina, but my vision is blurry, he's rubbing my back, and I realize it's because I'm crying. I stop mid sentence because he's touching me and my brain forgets how to do brain things. A door opens, and he jumps to his feet while introducing me to the tallest blonde I've ever seen, no matter how many times I see Scott in person, he blows me away with his striking blue eyes, the reddish blonde hair, and his towering height. I wipe my tears on my shirt and try to focus because I'll need to tell Bri everything. Mitch says "Brandy here was just telling me about the Sco to her Miche, as she called it..." DID I ACTUALLY SAY THAT TO MITCH?! My cheeks turn red hot, as we all climb back in the bed of the truck. All eyes on me. Scott is listening and I need him to know how much I love her and how much she loves him. I say it's a long story and they say "we have time!" in unison. So, I start at the beginning. The horrible day in December. I don't realize how much time has passed or know how long I've been crying. I needed them to know, though. I needed Scott to know how much he's changed Bri's life. I tell them all of our summer plans to see them, and they seem excited. I feel stupid and selfish for wasting the opportunity of being with them with my circuitous ramblings. But, I also feel at peace. Most people have to write letter or social media posts, and here I am with the chance of a lifetime, sitting in the bed of a pickup truck, under the Texas stars, telling my Mitchy just how much he's changed my life, and sharing with Scott how much he's changed Bri's. This night has been incredible. I'm soaking in everything when suddenly someone is knocking on the door that Scott came out of, but why would someone knock from inside the building? Mitch and Scott don't seem to hear it, and they continue the story they were telling me, and I'm trying so hard to listen but this damn person is banging on the door. I jump out of the truck to answer the door, and as I turn the handle, my eyes pop wide open. There's a man at my front doorstep, my dogs are barking, and my time with Mitchy is over.