Vivid Dreams

Proposal

Part one
I'm running late. So late. I have to pick him up but everyone keeps needing me. I finally slip away from the crowd, and I head to the bus station. It's cold. The streetlights are now on and I'm getting nervous. Maybe this was a bad idea. I have no idea what we can do for 3 days until the rest of our friends get here. I'm standing against a wall, playing with my vape clouds when around the corner I can hear it. That sound. The sound I'd know from anywhere. He's happy. Before I can make it to him he's sprinting toward me with his arms open wide. We crash into each other and all at once I am home. I've missed him. Tour was long and I just wanted my best friend home. I lift his fancy bag into the truck and he asks for Doumar's. As we sit in the car eating our ice cream, he begins to purge it all. He missed me too. My heart is full. We get back to the house, and the kids are so excited he's there. Sean seems quiet.  He always does when we are together. Scott will be here soon, and he isn't sure what to expect. Their friendship has always mirrored ours and I cannot explain it to him again. I never know what to do. Everything was so long ago, and things aren't what they used to be. I thought Sean understood that. I guess after what's just happened with her, it could be bringing back the old emotions for him. I can't apologize again. I just can't. We are outside now, a late night s'mores session. The giggles bouncing around the fire are exactly what my soul has been missing. There's something that he needs to tell me. I can see it hidden behind his eyes. What's wrong? I thought they were ok again. He said they talked it out, and Scott understood why he needed to be alone on the trip. He just needed to be alone to process what the last 48 hours were. No one saw the proposal coming. I don't think that he even knew he was going to do it. But, there he was in the middle of the show, on one knee pleading with his chocolate eyes for his boyfriend to say something-anything. I watched from home as the live feed didn't cut off. It seemed like forever before his boyfriend wiped the tears from my best friend's face and walked backstage. I knew he'd call. I picked up on the second ring, and his heartbreak was palpable. He was incoherent and inconsolable. He'd laid it all on the line this time. When he turned down Scott's proposal just two years ago, he never imagined he'd be ready to promise himself to someone else. He knew things were moving quickly, but he somehow knew this was it for him. Our friends didn't get it the way we did. I truly believed him when he said this was what he'd waited his whole life for. Everyone has gone inside, and I watch from the kitchen window as he flips the ring in and out of his palm. The next few days go by with a hushed silence, and the kids are giving him space to be in his head. I'm almost done changing the bed sheets and setting up the house as everyone else will be arriving today. The house is loud again. I forget what it feels like when we're all together. I'm always just on the outside of the conversation. It's him they're here to see. It's always been that way. My sister picked up the kids hours ago, and I can feel the wine hitting my head now. I go through the house shutting off lights and closing doors of the unoccupied rooms, until I can hear Scott. He's quietly crying in the corner of a bedroom we've spent hours purging our thoughts to each other over the years. I slip down the wall and take his hands in mine. We don't speak at first. I just sit in his silence and let his emotions come out. He's angry and sad and-and what? I don't think I understand quite why he's here, if they've talked everything out then why is he here alone in the dark? He isn't over it. What the heartbreak felt like for him just two years ago. They were so young, but he knew what he wanted. He just didn't anticipate that Mitch didn't feel the same. I watched as they both fought to put each other's pieces back together again. They were like two puzzles whose pieces had been spilled and scattered together and it took weeks to separate them and make their pictures whole again. I thought they'd both healed. It's obvious now they Scott never did.