A bad incident takes place in the life of Reece ...
She gets affected so much that she feels she couldn't do it anymore
and she plans to end her life ..
"If you are thinking why am I drinking right now? Then my answer to that is 'in vino veristas...
After a hectic day at work. I wanted to take a bath. As I walked into the bathroom and filled the bathing tub with nice luke warm water. I took off all my clothes and slowly dipped my feet in the water. Sliding down, letting the water block all the thoughts in my head. The atmosphere is all calm. There is the sound of the dripping water from the tap. Tip... Tip... Tip The water dripped slower than the second hand of a clock. Each drop fell in a clean manner sending out ripples in the surface puddle. I took the bottle beside me and poured myself a glass of red wine. "valserrano rioja giraza" my all time favourite. It offers such a fresh flavour of black cherries and liquorice, with mineral and spicy notes adding depth to it. When I buy my wine I never go by ratings I go by taste. "sip, swirl, swallow". You must be thinking why am I drinking while bathing... Right?? Well the answer to that question is.. "in vino veristas - in wine there is truth" and today is a day when I should open up my eyes and see the truth. As I was sipping my wine a sound two notches higher than that of the dripping water emerged from behind. The only difference is I am the only one who can hear this sound. It's the sound of the voices in my head talking... And talking... And talking in whispers. All the thoughts, incidents were playing over and over again in the back of my head. Like a series full of regret, guilt and pressure. Life made me realise that people keep running away from death. Sometimes because of the fear of what the afterlife holds for us, sometimes because one doesn't want to die and sometimes because our responsibilities don't allow us to. But in today's world dying is easier than surviving. living is for those who have the courage to complete this difficult task. One just doesn't realise how strong they are until they see how much strength it takes to go on in this life. We survive ....we fight every day and we survive. But I am not strong enough to survive. I don't have the strength to go on any longer and neither am I afraid of dying. ----------------------------------------------------------- I am Reece Haynes and I give up today. I am not afraid of what would happen in the afterlife. I might keep wandering around stuck on this earth like a ghost; I might get to live in heaven or I might get to suffer in hell. But none...I repeat none of these questions bothers or scares me. Because all I know is no matter what it would be like its gonna be much more peaceful than this....living...breathing...existing. Death has two versions. First where you die while you are still alive and the second where you actually die. A person who is already dead inside for that person actually dying is just a way to be in peace. Let me explain to you why? What does it feel like to be dead inside ----------------------------------------------------------- 6:00 am The alarm clock rang and its the start of a new day. I snooze the alarm ringing on the nightstand. I shuffle and lie straight with my arms open staring at the ceiling. The only light in the room was that of the sun rays entering from the large french windows on the right side of the bed. I rubbed my eyes and sighed. I just don't want to wake up. I took the sheets and buried myself deep under them wishing to hide underneath all day long. I didn't wanna show up at work; didn't wanna face the employes. I felt like everyone was better off without me. But still, I got up and walked into the bathroom brushed my teeth; turned on the shower stepped in feeling the numbness of my thoughts. After the shower, as I stepped out I grabbed a white scented towel from the rack and wrapped that around me. I looked at myself in the mirror finding my flaws as of how I was imperfect. I touched my face with my fingers trying to see if something was wrong with the texture of my skin. I took off the towel and dropped it on the floor staring at myself. I got lost in my thoughts and as I looked back up in the mirror there were tears in my eyes. I wiped them off my face and went to pick up an outfit. I chose a black knee length dress with a check pattern of white. I wore my hair up in a tight ponytail and applied a bit of lip balm for just a tint of colour. I never dressed up much or did makeup. I was very simple and nerdy looking. I walked out of my room and greeted Mrs Mariana. She has been our cook for 5 years now. She had prepared my breakfast a cup of coffee and pancakes with toppings of banana and choco chip. My mom and I settled down for breakfast. We ate in silence as I finished eating I got up grabbed my purse wore my heels and kissed my mother on the forehead before leaving like always she held my hand looked at me and gave me a reassuring smile. I got into the car and the driver drove me to the office building. As I was walking towards the entrance feeling of lachesism surrounded me that something ...like lightning should struck me right here right now so that I don't have to survive another moment of this misery. As I got to the elevator I had an encounter just the one I was begging to god for not to have. But there he was mark Kingsley my business partner and my ex-fiance with his wife the girl for whom he left me at the altar and once a bestie Kyla silva. Mark and I still worked together as we couldn't afford the loss a split up would cause to the company. I stepped in and Kyla greeted me "Good morning Reece" "Morning Kyla," I said giving her a sign of my clear disinterest in the small talk. As I walked past the corridor towards my office employees started gossiping about how the man I loved left me on my wedding day. I could tell from the look in their eyes that they were judging me as Kyla was far prettier than me with her great dressing sense and blonde hairs. As I entered my office I bolted the door behind me tears streaming down my face. It had been a month since the incident had took place and a week since I last came to the office. I was hurt and the pain was just too much to bare. Still, somehow I managed to work till 5 but I couldn't do it anymore I just wanted to get back home so I left early giving the excuse that I had a headache. I got back home and mom was there in living room. She looked at me totally surprised at my early arrival from work. "Heyy honey..how was your day? Was everything fine?" She asked me "Yea mom everything was great as always just a bit tired I need to rest" "Ohh okay.. If u wanna talk about anything im right here okay sweetheart?" "Yea mom" I smiled at her. I didn't wanna worry her by telling her how I felt. I got into my room and locked the door behind. I threw my purse away; the sheets;the pillows; the showpiece i threw everything around and cried. I felt like my heart would burst open right now from so much pain i couldn't take it. I felt sick in the head. It was so hard to smile at everyone and pretend like everything was fine and nothing ever happened. It was hurting like hell. My heart was shattered. The pain of heartbreak was too much to bare i didn't even have anymore tears to shed. I felt dead inside. I felt that there was nothing left in me. I had so many anxiety attacks in the last one week. I couldn't eat; couldn't sleep; i just couldn't feel normal i can't feel normal i just wanted my soul to leave my body. This pain was too much just too much to bear i wanted to end it just end it. I am going crazy I clutched my head between my legs and screamed and shouted and weeped. I pulled my hairs. I couldn't do it this has to end. This pain has to end. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I screamed and cried so much. Why did he do this to me? What was it that she had and I didnt?? Why why why Mark why did u do this to me?? I screamed,shouted, cried and clutched the sheets until I went numb i got up and went into the bathroom ----------------------------------------------------------- And now here we are The incident kept playing in my head like a video stuck on one scene. Wanting to end my misery I slowly lowered myself with the intention to drown. I got into the water feeling my thoughts to be tormentors, a torture only escapable by sleep the permanent one.
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My cells started to pound now my body was screaming for oxygen. This felt more alive than what it was like while I was dead inside that was the moment I realised "death is not the greatest loss in life greatest loss in life is what dies inside while we are still alive" the tingling sensation started to creep up from my feet. In these moments i realised how much my family will miss me and how much i will miss them. How much they need me and how much this is wrong to them. My heart started to flutter as if indicating my soul is about to be free in peace. It was too late by now and that its my end time now accepting the fact that ill no longer exist i closed my eyes allowing the death to take over and the peace to creep in. Knowing that my master is on the other side and he will be there when I die. I assured myself in my last moments that I will be alright leaving everything behind. Yes I was a coward commiting suicide yes I was the coward ending her life.
What will happen next?? Stay tuned to know more... Did Reece really end her life?? Or some miracle could still make a difference? sweetlover48
