Life Isn't Fair

Late nights and coffee dreams

It's one am... why am I awake?

Because I never sleep, that's why.

I groan and check the time once again. It isn't one anymore, it just turned 1:30 am. Ugh.

Why does this happen? Why do I stay up all hours of the night reading fan fiction?

What's wrong with me?

Don't you mean, what ISN'T wrong with you?

I sigh and watch the minutes tick by. Minutes turn to hours, and hours turn to days. Isn't that how time works? The days turn into a blur while I struggle to keep what sanity I have left.

At some point I turn on music to see if it'll help at all.. Big shocker! It didn't help. Nothing ever seems to anymore. Well at least I've got my cats to comfort me. Riley never ceases to make me smile, even when everything else crashes, he's still here.

Wow, look at me going on and on about my cat. I'm so interesting.

As I lay my phone down, he jumps onto my bed and lays down. No doubt hes gonna lay down and sleep the night away with me. He always seems to know how to make me feel better after a panic attack.

After my tears dry, I find myself submitting to sleep. I dread this part of the night- er, morning. God I need better sleeping habbits. Anyway, I hate sleeping... why? Because of the dreams. More like nightmares though, I haven't had a decent dream in weeks. Or has it been months? I honestly don't know anymore, everything blends together now.

Nothing seems to go right, or be "normal".

You see, I'm so very far from normal. I am a lesbian, pegan, red-headed 14 year old that has severe clinical depression, crippling social anxiety, anorexia, and mood swings that could shake the Mississippi River so hard that it runs the opposite way.

Yeah, I'm a mess.

Anyway, and to top it off, I am what's called a "little". I regress/go into a younger headspace to cope with stress and trauma. It's very complex. Anywho, most people don't get it so don't feel bad if you don't either.

I have so many issues. I'm crushing on my straight bestfrind, to name one.

She is so painfully straight. Honestly though, she's also caregiver material too. She is the whole package, right in front of me.. and I can't have her. Dumb sexuality.

I know she loves me to death, just not in the way I wish she would.

Dang.... life really isn't fair, is it?

Well of course it isn't, what would be the fun in that? Getting to be happy?

*GASP*

What was I thinking?!

Oh well, I guess I'll just suffer through it. Oh wait, I do that already. So nothing's gonna change then. Cool.

What am I doing? Why am I still up? Maybe cause I'm an insomniac?? Hm. Maybe.

Wow, I'm a mess.

Haha, well, back to the scheduled programing!

As I tossed and turned, trembling in fear from the most recent edition of "What hell will my head throw me into this time?!"

I shoot up in a cold sweat, gasping for air like I haven't had a breath in years. I reach over and see that it's  already 8:00 am.

Wow, I got some sleep for once, albeit it wasn't good sleep...

Hmm. Well, time for breakfast.

What I mean by breakfast is a tall glass of ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper.

Ahh, what a great taste. Love it.

Time to start my day.

A/n: Soooooo that happened. I haven't edited it and I don't plan to right now. Sorry. I haven't written in a while and I started to table in the middle. Sorry to anyone who reads this. This is also super short omg. It's like 530 words. Dang. Anyway, I hoped you liked it!!! Comment to anyone who reads? Constructive criticism?? Maybe???