Life Isn't Fair

Birth days and Binge days

It's my birthday.

My brother, soster, mom, and I went to Olive Garden and ate so much good I almost puked.

Every time I think I'm okay and that I can eat food without feeling disgusting afterwords, I'm wrong. It's just part of my eating disorders.

Having bulimia and anorexia at the same time is awful.

You binge and eat so much food all the time and want to or purge it all up. Or you starve and exercise until you can't anymore.

Both are fucking awful.

First it was anorexia... then it evolved into bulimia. I hate this.

I hate feeling useless, fat, ugly, stupid, worthless.

But I am those things.

I am all of those things.

And people never have an issue reminding me.

I'm just the "quiet girl" in the back of the class. Im just the girl who wears dresses, skirts, pastels, and all black. I'm just the girl who has depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and almost succeeded on killing herself last year. I'm just the girl who's thighs are covered in scars so deep they're raised.

I'm just the girl who dispite struggling with all that, and more, loves others.... And finds a way to care about everyone else.

I'm just the little pastel girl.