Maybe Loving You was a Mistake

Chapter One: Everything Changes

“Hey Charles! Whats up girl?” my boy Aaron comes up to me with a side hug. “Mmm, not much, just waiting i guess,” i say with a shrug. He looks over at me while lighting up a fag; i take one from him and light it up. “Those are bad for you, you know. Theyre bound to give you cancer,” he says giving me a dirty look. Such a hypocrite he is. “I wouldnt be talking if i was you. Youve been lighting up cancer sticks since we were 14. I barely started when we were 16,” i say between drags. “Im just trying to look out for you Emily. Youre basically my little sister,” he says to me, a look of genuine concern covers his face and eyes. “You have so much going for you Em. i mean, your GPA is a 3.4 while mine is only a 2.6. You have colleges breathing down your neck at least 3 times a week, and i have cops and drug dealers breathing down mine just as often.”
    “Aaron, I’ve told you, don't call me that. Please. And I’m not going to college. That's a waste of time and money. I know what i want in life and im content with how it is,” i say stubbornly. “Charles, listen to me, dammit! I don't want you to end up like me!” Aaron says in frustration. I give him a puzzled look, “What do you mean Aaron? I'm already like you!” We cannot be having this argument again. At least once every two weeks he tries to change my mind, but nothing works. “Emily, listen to me for fucks sake. It's our senior fucking year. Christmas break starts tomorrow, and you are the class valedictorian; you haven’t resorted to what i have. More likely than not, I’ll be dropping out. I drink and smoke every single fucking day. The worst part? Im a fucking drug dealer!
    “I don’t want this kind of life for you! You are too important to me and I can’t- no I won’t- see you end up like me. I have absolutely nothing going for me, but you Emily Charles, you have the world at your fingertips,” he rushes out, “i just wish you could see what i see.” He whispers that last part so quietly, i almost don’t catch what he says. “What was that last part?” I ask. “What? Oh nothing, just talking to myself,” he says lost in his thoughts.
I had always known that he was dealing, but i didn’t think he was this far deep. Now i have a small understanding of why he wouldn’t want this life for me, but he’s literally my only friend. I mean, sure when we’re together and his other friends come over to hang, i talk to them, but i don’t trust them the way i trust Aaron. He really does care for me, but sadly, I’m only seen as a little sister to him. Nothing more than that.
    “Charles, im going to be heading out right now. Are you going to be okay getting home alone?” i roll my eyes at him, “What am I? Five? I’ll be fine Aaron,” I say leaving my thoughts behind. He gives me a look, “Hey, don’t go getting all frisky with me. I’m only trying to look out for you, babe,” he says, holding his hands up in defence.
I laugh at him and punch him in the shoulder, “Go get out of here you dumbass.” He fakes hurt and pouts momentarily; for a tough guy he sure does act gentle and sweet around me. Shaking his head, he says chuckling, “Alright, alright, I’m going.” i smile at his craziness, my thoughts consuming me once more. His voice pulls me from my mind once more; “come here, Emily,” he says as he envelopes me into his embrace. At the sudden contact, my entire body tenses, but slowly i start relaxing when Aaron holds me tighter. Eventually, he pulls away, leaving me chilled and his scent lingering.
He stares at me intensely, “Be safe Emily, please,” he begs me then proceeds to kiss my cheek. At the random and quite sudden show of affection, blood forces its way to my cheeks. Because of this, I start nagging him. Once again, i roll my eyes at him. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. You know I always am. And how many fucking times do i have to tell you to stop calling me Emily?!” i say, practically screaming that last bit. Thank God I didn’t stutter when I said all of that or else hed figure it out, and things would become totally awkward then.
He tousles my hair and laughs, “Yeah i know, i just like fuckig with you. I’ll talk to you later when I get home, okay?” i give him a dirty look for fucking with me like that, but nod nonetheless. He smiles at me, “Love you Charles,” he says revving his bike and taking off. I blow out a puff of air and kick some pebbles at the curb, “If only you meant it in the same way Aaron,” I think. After a good solid five minutes I stand staring blankly, i get my bookbag up on my shoulders and start walking to my apartment.
As I’m walking, I hear a hurried footfall, and a feminine voice calling my name. I cautiously turn around and see that the voice belongs to Aaron’s friend, Kate running towards me. I stop at the intersection, and just awkwardly wait for her to catch up to me. “Hey Charles,” she greets me, slightly out of breath, “how are you doing?” I give her a small smile, trying to hide my discomfort, “I’m doing pretty good. Just headed home.” She gives me a warm smile and when the light changes color, we step off in silence. Suddenly, she asks me a bizarre question; “Do you like Aaron?” is her question for me.
I stumble a bit in shock, giving her a puzzled look, and not comprehending what she just asked me. She laughs a little and says, “Do you, Emily Charles, like Aaron James Stephens?” we keep walking while I think, “Do I like Aaron? I mean, he is good looking and i’ve known him since we were 8. He knows all of my secrets and he knows me like the back of his hand. I feel safe around him, and i love it when he randomly hugs me. He shows affection and his sweet side only to me. Then today he kissed my cheek and called me ‘babe,’ a warm and fluttering feeling flooded my stomach.” I look over to Kate and back down to my feet. We’re standing across the street from my building waiting to be given the signal that it’s safe to cross; “Well?” Kate pushes, looking curiously at me.
I sigh quietly to myself and say, “Yeah, i guess so.” I see a smile come across her face while we’re walking through the building to my door. Standing outside, I nervously invite her in. “Would your parents be alright with me being over? I wouldn't want to impose on them or anything,” Kate asks as I’m opening the door. We walk inside, “I don’t live with my parents. My mom died when I was younger, so it was just my dad and myself for a while, then things. . . happened and I moved out of my dad’s place. Since then, Aaron and I have shared an apartment. I was living on my own for a bit, and when shit hit the fan, I couldn’t stay there alone. Been living here since Christmas break in our junior year,” I explain as I place my school bag under the table in the hallway. “You can leave your school bag here.”
“Wait, you and Aaron like, live together, as in, live together?!” She basically screams at me. I harshly shush her, “No, not like that! We each have our own bedrooms, kinda like sharing a dorm, but it's coed.” She slowly nods her head, finally understanding what I was talking about. She steps further into the apartment and i lock the door before following after her. “You have a real nice place, Emily,” she compliments. I smile at her, “Thanks Kate, but um, could you not call me Emily? I’m not too fond of the name.”
She gives me a questioning look, but agrees to call me Charles. I give her a thankful smile and we fall into a semi-awkward silence. To break the silence I say, “Do you want to order take out or i could cook something up really quickly?” She looks over at me, a small smile on her face in relief, “Is Chinese okay with you?” i smile to myself while reaching over to the night stand and pull out three different menus.
“Chinese is Aaron and mines favorite. I actually taught myself how to make some Asian main and side dishes but never as good as they do,” I say laughing. I glance to the clock that is hanging over the TV and realize Aaron would be home in about 20 minutes. Kate beams at me, praising me for my cooking, and I smile at her. “So do you know what you want yet?” i ask, still smiling. “Yeah, I’ll get the sweet and sour chicken, egg rolls, and fried rice,” she says.
I burst out laughing, “Is that all that you’re going to eat?” She gives me the most confused look I’ve seen on her face, ‘What? Yeah,” she says slowly. I continue laugh and pull out a sheet of paper labeled with Aaron’s name. Knowing what her reaction will be, “Have a look,” I say, handing her the paper. As her eyes scan down the page, her eyes start to widen in shock. “What the actual fuck Charles? That is a lot of food!” she exclaims. Laughing i get my sheet of paper, “You think Aaron eats a lot? Take a look at my list.” Her eyes are now the size of the moon, and it’s not even nine in the afternoon. “Well I’ll be damned. You sure can eat for a little person and not gain weight at all,” she says, laughing along with me. I grab my cell and dial the number and order off of the two papers adding Kate’s food to the list. “Mhm. . .okay, thank you. . . mhm, bye-bye,” I say ending the call.
“So what do we do now?” Kate asks me. “Want to watch a movie?” is my suggestion. “Sure, but what should we watch?” I get, “Hmm, i don’t know. You pick. The movies are over there,” I point to a roof to floor length shelf, “organized by genre.” I walk to the side table and pull out the right amount of cash to pay for our food. Right when I turn around, Kate yells with excitement, “Found one!” She waves it around in the air and I realize it’s one of the Chucky movies. Well fuck me right?
Those movies are absolutely terrifying to me. When Aaron and I were 11, he made me watch the entire series on Halloween night when I spent the night. His brilliant idea was to wake me up by laying a Chucky doll next to me on the bed and shake me awake. Now that I think about it, he cuddled me until my anxiety calmed down and apologized so much. I made him feel so bad, he took me out for ice cream.
“Charles? Emily! Emily Charles!” Kate yells at me, pulling me out of my memories. I blush in embarrassment, “Did I zone out again?” I ask. Laughing, she says, “Yeah, you kinda did.” I look at the TV, “Sorry, I’m just not a big fan of the Chucky movies. Thanks to Aaron, but if you want to watch it, I’ll suck it up. I’ll be too busy eating anyways,” i laugh. Kate places the DVD in the player and sit back and wait for the opening credits.
I hear that someone is buzzing to be let into the building requesting my floor, so I let the person in, knowing its my food. Opening the door, Jake is standing there with all the bags of food. “Hey C, how’s it going?” he asks, flashing me a smile. I take the bags from him and set them on the table next to me. “It’s going. Aaron’s friend Kate is here, so we’re just watching movies and hanging out,” I say handing him the money to pay for the food.
“So does that mean that Aaron is here? Because he’s usually the one who answers the door, and his bike isn’t in his usual spot,” Jake starts going off. I give him a look, and keep staring at him until he facepalms realizing where he went wrong, “Oooh, he’s at work.” I start laughing at how obvious he is at times. I start thinking, “maybe he wouldn’t have made a bad friend if he hadn’t dropped out freshman year.” I’m pull from my thoughts, yet again, by Jake trying to give me my change. I shake my head, “No you keep it, and well Aaron should be home soon.” He nods and before he takes his leave, he says, “Well, see you around C.” I start closing the door, “See ya J,” I say and completely close the door, locking it.
I turn around and see Kate staring at the door with her mouth hanging open, “What?” i ask walking into the living room with the food. “That delivery guy is totally into you!” Kate screams in my ear. Ouch. “What the actual fuck are you talking about Kate?” I ask, confused as fuck. “He was flirting with you and even asked about Aaron to see if he’d be able to hook it up with you,” she explains like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “I doubt it,” I say as i set up the food on the table, “Aaron is usually the one who answers the phone, so it is highly impossible for him to even remotely have any feelings towards me.”
“Um, Charles, can i ask you a question?” Kate says in a hesitant manner. Not looking up from what I’m doing, I say, “Yeah, sure, what’s up?” I continue to sort the food when she asks a question I wasn’t expecting to be asked. “I’ve noticed you always lock the door after opening it. Why is that?”
My hands hover over the box of food in front of me while I’m momentarily paralyzed by her question. I look to her, dead in the eye and start talking. “It’s a pretty long story, so I’ll try to keep it short. When I was still under the care of my parents, bad things happened. Constant burglaries, so I moved out on my own. The apartment I moved to was in a bad part of town, so again, more break ins and rapists in the area. It was cheap and all that I could afford at the time. Then when Aaron found out about the part of town I was living in, he got concerned and basically forced me to move in with him here. So because of all that, it’s only habit now to lock every door and window,” I explain the best way possible.
“Oh shit, I am so sorry about whatever happened with your family. And as for your old place of living, I know that shit sucks,” Kate tells me. I look away from her and look at the TV, “Yeah, I’m sorry for it too,” I say, mind wandering to that night.
“Daddy, can you take me to the park? Pleeeaseee. I’m bored,” i say pouting and stomp my foot. “Get away from me Emily. I didn’t want to fucking take you yesterday, so that means I’m not going to take you today. Or ever! Now stop fucking asking me or you’re going to get your ass beat!” he yells in my face. This isn’t the first time he’s yelled and cursed at me, but it still hurts. Sobs start bubbling in my tummy, and tears start streaming down my face. “But daddy, I want to go to the park right now,” I stomp again, crossing my arms.
“Stupid girl, shut the fuck up already!” he yells, striking my face with the palm of his hand. “Don’t even think about crying. If you do, you’ll get hit even harder,” he threatens me. The sting of where his hand made contact with my face burns still, so as soon as the tears well up and threaten to spill over, I take off running to my hidden cupboard, climb in, and lock it tight.
I hear his heavy footfall through the house while he’s screaming, “Where the fuck did you go, you stupid little girl! You can’t hide forever, and when I find you, you are going to pay for all that whining and pestering you did.” Even though he doesn’t know where I’m hiding, I cower deeper in my cupboard, and try to keep my sobs quiet.