"Shared my body and my mind with you, that's all over now, did what I had to do..I can see you leaving now"
I really don't know what to say. Especially when it comes to these things. That's a quote from a song by Lana. I don't know why it stood out to me but it did.
Do you ever just find yourself thinking about your life and wondering where will I go from here and if I'll actually go from here? Physically and mentally
I hate to say it but I feel it everyday. No one lives forever and I need help. From shrinks and all that crap. I hate taking medicines because they make me feel lost. I wish things were different..
Everyone has a dream and my dream is to live as happy as I can before I die. I want to go out with a bang instead of lame ass goodbyes and sorrys.
But some pieces are missing and more things have come into the equation holding me back from leaving when I want. So I guess when I die you'll never really know because no one would want to log into everything I own and post a message that I died. So if I'm incognito for a year or so then I probably died.
I won't stop smoking I don't give a fuck what anyone says. I won't stop drinking alcohol just because you're worried. It's my life and I don't go through a list saying "if I continue to do this, well then this person will be hurt by it" No.
I try to do everything without any regrets. For a while you'll be remembered when you die but then everyone will move on with their lives because you can't save the dead and you can't bring them back.
Live fast and die young is really a sad and reckless thing to say but everyone is given a pass in this world. Live how you want or follow others paths. And maybe you'll be rewarded for it but the harsh reality is that it only happens with a few.
So yeah I may be a waste of a life in your eyes or a fucking idiot but I'm going to live how I want and if you want accept that then leave.
