See You Again

Jiyong dragged his steps. Going home reminded him of his mistake. His betrayal. He loved Joo-Yeon and yet the person living in his home is a painful reminder that he failed the person that he should have loved the most. It was an accident but the fact remains that he had been unfaithful. The world thought that he and Joo-Yeon were perfect for each other but to his shame he knew he was not perfect for her. He was living a lie and that made his heart heavy all the time.

“I’m home.” He called out in a weary voice.

He was greeted with silence. “Dara?” He called out tentatively. There was still no reply. “Dara?” He called out much louder this time. His heart went on hyperactive mode in an instant, his weariness fading away replaced by a growing sense of anxiety. Something was not right. He looked up and saw that the door to her bedroom was slightly open.

His steps quickened as he jogged up the stairs. He flung the door open worried that something might have happened to her. For the past months that they have both been living the lie together. She had always greeted him with a cheerful “Welcome back” every time he came home. She said the situation wasn’t ideal for either of them but being unpleasant to each other wouldn’t make the wrong that they did right. He would be under the threat of death before he’d admit it but he had become used to her cheerful optimistic presence at his home.

“Dee!” He anxiously rushed towards the bathroom to check. It was empty. Literally empty. Too empty. The bathroom counter mocked him with its emptiness. Her toiletries were gone. The room looked sterile once more as guestroom baths usually are. Her personal scent was gone. That was when it struck him like an unexpected blow to the solar plexus. He sucked in a deep, shuddering breath. She’s gone.

He turned around and swept another glance at the room. Everything was spick and span. There was no pile of facial masks on the bedside table. Her slippers, the ones she usually forgot to use as she loves to walk barefoot around the house was nowhere to be seen. She hated making up her bed but this time the bed was neat. There was not even a wrinkle on the sheets. No evidence of a person having used this room could be found except for the white envelope with his name written in bold letters placed beside the bedside lamp.

He gingerly reached out towards the offending object. He was sure he was not going to be happy about its contents. There was a single piece of crisp and unscented paper inside. He sat on the edge of the bed as he started to read what she wrote.


September 1, 2017

Jiyong,

I wonder why people usually start there letters with the word dear? What do you use when you are writing someone you’re not in a deep relationship with? Even if a piece of paper has declared me as your wife I’m still not sure if its appropriate for me to use dear on you so I omitted the word. We both know someone else has the right to call you that instead of me.

If someone told me a year ago that someday I would find myself being my husband’s secret mistress I would have told them to fuck off. But then the past months would have proved true that hypothetical someone’s words.

We were not in a relationship but we made a child together. It was an unfortunate series of events that led us to this. But one thing I am sure of is that if I don’t stop this situation from spiraling even further our child will remain inside this unfortunate cycle. I don’t want him to grow up with the pressure of knowing that his existence was the only reason for our marriage. That is too much responsibility for a little one’s soul to bear. I want him to grow up unfettered by the combined burden of our guilt and shame.

It will be unconventional but I will raise him up as your kid. He will know you and when the time is right you will know him but for now please don’t look for us.

Live free and love freely as you were meant to do, Jiyong. I promise we will see each other again, someday.

With Love, D


P.S. I will raise our child in a happy home. In return I ask one thing of you. Please be happy so that when we see you again you can greet our child with a genuine smile. Hengsho.