Thougths

#1 - I was

I was...

I was there when you need someone.
I was there to comfort you, to console you and to cheer you up.
I was there when you trying to grow up after the break down.

And you thank me for that.

But you saw her again.

Your sad again.
You call me crying, asking me for help.
I was there comforting you again even though I'm busy.

The day comes that you decided to move on, totally.
And I was happy for you.

You blocked her and you stop seeing her.

Then we start texting and chatting all day and night.
Having phonecalls before and after taking a bath.
Text if where we at.
Getting angry if one of us didn't ate our meals.
Taking selfies.
Exchanging wallpapers.
Exchanging I love you's like without any strong feelings involved.

But, I fail.
I fail as a friend because,

I fell for you.

That I love you...

I'm trying to convinced myself that I'm not.
I ignored you, I'm trying to stay away from you.

I was confused that time, I don't know what to do.

But everytime I want to stay away from you, you approach me more and more.

Your nagging me around.
You teased me until I get angry and laughed at me.
You keep hugging me when I'm trying to be alone.
You keep talking to me even though I'm not showing any interest.
And your following me everywhere, literally.

Until, I lost everything.
We separate with different section.
I lost contact with you.

I admit, I miss you...

But I'm trying not to miss you.
I'm trying to get busy in everything.
And everytime we see each other through our common friends, I ignored you but the truth is I want to hug you.

A few months after, I received a news.

A news that made my heart broke.
You're dating someone new, actually... both of you are official.

I was shocked.
I don't know how to react.
They've been asking me, if I'm okay with that.

I smiled, I laughed and joke around.

But the truth is, I want to cry and I want to be alone.

I came to the pave where we use to spend each other.

I cry and cry without anyone noticing it.
I wiped my tears, and go home.

I lay down in bed, and..
the memories of us came into my head and
made me sad and cry again.

I hugged my pillow.
Imagining that it was you, I said so many things that I want to say to you through that pillow;

I miss you.
I miss your hugs,
I miss your smile,
I miss our closeness,
I miss the way you  teased me until I get angry.
I miss everything about you,
I miss everthing about us.

I really do miss you...

A year past by, we are in the same section.

I thought that time, I've move on with you.
I thought that time, that I'm okay.

But when the first day came... I saw you.
I don't know how to approach you.
I don't know what to do if you're trying to approach me.

I stared at you from the distance.
And I felt like my heart is breaking apart again.
I really miss you.

And then, you approach me.

I was shocked at the same time happy.
I feel anxious because I don't know what should I say,
or how should I act.

I was confused to myself.
But I showed you that I'm cool, that I'm okay.
I smiled at you and talk to you normally.

But so different than before.

There's a gap between us.
There's awkwardness between us.

*sigh*

I want to turned back time, to the good old days.
Where I can laughed and hug with you.
I miss the old us.

I miss you...

And I'm still hoping you will come back.
I'll try my best to forget this feelings just to make our friendship back.

But I think it's impossible,
And I think It's too late.

But all I want to say is,
"Be happy with her and I miss you."

*#1 - END*