INSTANT REPLAY | REDDIE

- 05 | INSTANT REPLAY

"H-Have you g-g-got a-another suh-suh-higgarette, R-R-Richie?"

Eddie was sitting on the dirty floor of the Barrens, hugging his knees to his chest and watching as Richie gave Bill the last cancer stick from the pack he had stolen from his father's desk. He even lit it for the stuttering boy, who took a long drag with shuddering breaths.

"You didn't dream it, Bill?" Stan asked suddenly. God, how Eddie wished Bill would say he had. He wished Bill would say it had been a dream, because if he did, then maybe Eddie could have dreamt of the leper, too, and it will have all just been one big coincidence. But no, Bill shook his head, confirming that the bleeding picture of his younger brother Georgie had not been a dream.

"N-N-No duh-dream." Everyone sat in silence for a long few moments. Eddie's face contorted, and for a brief moment, he found himself absolutely despising his best friend.

"Real," he almost whispered. Bill looked at him sharply, eyes flashing.

"Wh-Wh-What?"

"Real, I said," Eddie repeated, glaring at Bill almost resentfully. "It really happened. It was real." His breathing picked up its pace a little bit, and suddenly the words were tumbling out before he could even stop them. "I... I went back to the house on Neibolt Street. Under the porch, there was a leper, a real one this time, and he was wearing this big silver clown suit with orange buttons. He touched my shoulder, and I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe, I was so fucking scared..." He began to heave, triggering his aspirator in a futile attempt to calm himself down. He could tell he was going to cry. It was going to be uncomfortable. "He kept trying to convince me to let him... To let him touch me, to let him put his mouth on me.. You know.." He looked down at the ground, refusing to meet anyone's eyes. Then, without any warning whatsoever, he burst into tears. He surprised even himself.

For a few minutes, everyone just watched him with huge eyes. Then Stan patted him awkwardly on the back, and Bill hugged him, although it was stiff and uncomfortable. Eddie couldn't bring himself to look at anyone else, but only one of them was looking at him, and it was the last person he wanted to see. That person scared him more than anything else, hobo and leper included. Richie Tozier made Eddie feel things his mother told him he wasn't supposed to feel about boys. He couldn't tell her, he couldn't tell anybody. Especially not the Losers. So Eddie cried into Bill's shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut.

"That's a-all right, E-Eddie. It's o-o-okay." The weight behind his words just made Eddie cry harder. It was almost like Bill was trying to tell him that it was all okay, even the feelings he sometimes had when he looked at a boy, when he looked at the boy who was staring at him right now. It felt like Bill was saying, 'It's okay if that's how you are, Eddie. It's okay if you're queer.'

But Eddie wasn't queer, he couldn't be. If Eddie was queer, then his mother would never forgive him. If that happened, what would Eddie do then? Without his mother, he had nothing.

But that wasn't true, either, was it? Without his mother, he had The Losers' Club. They would always be there. Always. Even decades from now, years into the future, they would always be there, even if they weren't called The Losers' Club.

What an odd thought that was.

"I saw it, too!" Ben Hanscom piped up suddenly, startling Eddie out of his thoughts. All eyes turned to Ben, who blushed, as if embarrassed by his sudden outburst.

"What?" Eddie asked, sniffling pitifully. Ben's expression changed, morphing from embarrassment to raw terror.

"I saw the clown," he said. "Only he wasn't like you said— at least, not when I saw him. He wasn't all gooshy. He was... He was dry." He looked down at his hands, frowning deeply. "I think he was the mummy."