For You I Will {Jihancheol}

3

A few months have passed since Seungcheol indulged his little side for the first time.

It scared him a bit, realizing just how easy it was to lose himself like that.

When he had woken up the next day, he was shocked to find himself tangled up with Joshua.

Luckily, he managed to sneak back into his own bed before the boy noticed him.

Since then, he knew he had to work harder at holding himself back.

What would Joshua have done if he had found him there?

What would the others have said when they found out?

None of those questions had positive solutions, no matter how hard he thought about.

He made it his goal to be the perfect caregiver and leader to his members after reaching this conclusion. That was what they needed, nothing more and nothing less.

While the vocal team was recording their unit song in the studio, Minghao and Soonyoung were happily playing together.

Seungcheol and Jun were in charge of looking after them, after an intense game of rock-paper-scissors with the other members, and they couldn't help but coo at the two of them.

Soonyoung wasn't in baby space this time, so Minghao was able to have a tea party without having to worry about him eating all of their toys.

Jun got bored of the playtime after Minghao introduced his fifth stuffie to them. So, he told Seungcheol that he was going to watch some tv in a hushed whisper.

Seungcheol hurriedly murmured something unintelligible to him as he walked away. He had been so absorbed into their playtime that he didn't really notice him leave.

"Mr. Waka is a prince!" Minghao said, showing off a stuffed panda to Soonyoung and Seungcheol. "He gets the most tea."

Seungcheol giggled at the panda and then made grabby hands at it. In the back of his mind, he knew that he would beat himself up on his poor self control.

However, he really wanted to play with Mr. Prince Waka.

Minghao arched a suspicious eyebrow at his caregiver and handed the toy over.

Seungcheol squealed happily and hugged Mr. Prince Waka close to him. "Mine," he sighed.

Minghao frowned at that. Seungcheol had given him the toy as a present not to long ago, so why was he taking it back?

Minghao snatched the panda away from him with a scowl. "Not Daddy's toy!"

Soonyoung watched carefully as his caregivers smile and twist into a frown. His bottom lip wobbles, and tears start welling in his eyes.

"Haohao," he nudged his little friend. "You has to share Mr. Waka."

The other wasn't having any of it, however, and cuddles the toy closer to him. "No!"

"But I wanna play too!" Seungcheol whined.

Soonyoung grabbed a stuffed bunny from the beside him and presents it before his crying caregiver. "Daddy play with my bunny?"

That seem to immediately dry Seungcheol's tears. He grabbed the bunny and sat it in his lap. "Bunbunbun," he sang happily.

They continued with their tea party until Soonyoung and Minghao had fallen asleep. Seungcheol stayed up,despite how heavy his eyes were getting, playing with all of the toys by himself. He eventually found out that the bunny, whom he decided to name Bunbun, was his favorite toy.

Bunbun had just taken over Mr. Prince Waka's throne when Jun walked into the room, stretching and yawning.

"Hey, hyung," he called out. "How long have they been asleep?"

That snapped the leader back into reality in a cold rush. The toys slipped out of his grasp as he slowly rose from the floor. He looked to see if Jun had noticed anything, but the younger said nothing.

In the back of his mind he scolded himself. How could he have let this happen again? What if something had happened to Minghao and Soonyoung whilst he decided to indulge his little urges.

His roaring thoughts had stopped there.

If any would have happened to Minghao or Soonyoung, there would be no way he'd be able to forgive himself.

Yet again, he makes a dedicated promise to control himself.

"It's only been about ten minutes," he finally responds to Jun. "They should be out for awhile."

Before Jun could say anything else to him, Seungcheol turns away to retreat to his bedroom.

There, secretly hidden deep within one of his pillowcases, was a red pacifier he'd stolen from Soonyoung some time ago.

Luckily, green was the younger's favorite, so he hadn't so much as bat an eye when the red one went missing.

When the other members weren't  around, Seungcheol would nap with heavy blankets covering his body and the pacifier plugged into his mouth.

Despite how hard he'd tried to fight it, this was one little habit that wouldn't go away. It pulled him to sleep in such a soft way that it eventually became addicting.

However, when he reached his bedroom, he found it was not empty.

Jeonghan and Joshua were resting together on his bed with little Chan laying between them.

Seungcheol could see dried tear marks on the maknae's puffy red cheeks.

Today must have been one of those days for the poor boy.

"I'm sorry about this, Cheol," Jeonghan softly spoke up as he ran his fingers through Chan's hair. "He just came in and laid down here, I couldn't get him to move."

"Comfy, Hyungie," Chan whimpered out.

"Oh no," Seungcheol immediately shook his head. "It's fine! You guys can lay there all you want. I don't mind."

What he did mind was a certain pillow that had been pressed against Jeonghan's back.

His heart was banging roughly against his chest. With each uncomfortable shuffle of Jeonghan's body against that pillow, a piece of him began to break.

They couldn't find out like this.
He knew that he had to say something.

"I just wanted a nap, that's all," Seungcheol explained. "And if I could have that pillow behind you, Jeonghan, I'll leave you guys alone."

Jeonghan nods and tossed it over to him. "Yeah, of course."

Relief hit him once he felt the softness of the fabric between his fingers, even more so when a tiny bulge made itself known a few inches below his grip.

Just as he turned to leave the room, he overheard Jeonghan say to him, "Hannie loves his Channie. I'm so proud of you. I always will be."

Josh chimed in, "We're here now, everything's alright."

His chest constricts and his throat followed suit.

The feelings lingered even as he took himself into another room, finding his way back into Joshua's bed.

Chan had been going through a lot these days. A lot of what, exactly, remained a mystery to everyone but Jeonghan and Joshua.

Seungcheol understood that but...

Seungcheol mentally punched himself for even feeling like this. As if the whole world were on the verge of shattering just because he craved the attention Chan was getting.

As a leader, he was ashamed.

As a little, his frustration was rightfully justified.

With these conflicting thoughts vigorously swirling in his mind, he pops in his pacifier and goes to sleep.