~RANDOM STARTERS

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"The planet is fine

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"The planet is fine. The people are fucked."


"You know what I like most about people? Pets."


"Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they'd lock us up?"


"What about a compromise? I'll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I'll apologize."


"Love is the jelly to sunshine's peanut butter. And if I tell you that I'm in sandwich with you, I'm not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag."


"Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system."


"Can I touch your boob?"


"You shouldn't be trusted with small children, should you?"


"Give me cake or give me death."


"On a scale from, 'I can sometimes make important phone calls without crying' to 'I have a stable job with a steady income, a spouse who loves me, a dog, and two kids who are screwed up minimally at worst', how much of an adult are you?"


"Obviously you can't tell a woman you just met that you love her, but it sucks that you can't."


"When you love someone, you just don't stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy... even then. Specially then!"


"If you're not scared, then you're not taking a chance. If you're not taking a chance, then what the hell are we doing anyway?"


"I think I've been holding myself back from falling in love with you all over again."


"I tried to change the duvet and I got stuck inside."


"I vote today to be a pajama day."


"You have to tell me why were committing a felony before we do it. Not that that's going to stop us, but at least I'll have all the facts."


"I don't leave messages. If I wanted to talk to a machine, I'd talk to my VCR."


"I can be flexible. As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I'm totally flexible."


"You know we're suppose to be together. I knew it the first time I saw you, and you know it, too. I know you do."


"Those things you said yesterday... Did you mean them?"


"What I hear when I'm being yelled at is people caring loudly at me."


"I am NOT crying, okay?! I'm allergic to jerks!"


"All nighter, you and me. First one to fall sleep buys the other dinner."


"I don't think I've ever played spin the bottle."


"Sorry! I didn't mean to touch your butt."


"To the night you'll never remember!"


"Excuse me, did the 12:15 bus come by already?"


"Could I sit here? All the other tables are full."


"Are you meeting someone here? Because.. I think I'm that person."


"You weren't supposed to laugh! I'm so embarrassed!"


"Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his/her cake hole."


"I'm not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren't even hot."


"You better take care of that car or I swear I'll haunt your ass!"


"This is the dumbest thing you've ever done."


"I could do that, but could doesn't mean would."


"You cannot fathom the immensity of the fucks I don't give."


"You're like, five feet tall. How you gonna reach me, shortie?"


"I recognize that you have reached a decision, but given that it is a stupid ass decision I have elected to ignore it."


"Do you need me to kill someone for you?"


"Look out where you're going, asshole!"


"Fuck the sandwich guy!"


"I did not mean for stripping to come out of this."


"The whole street is blocked off. The police won't tell us anything, but I think there's been some kind of attack... Maybe a bomb?"


"Oh my god, are you okay? I'm calling the police. I think I saw who did this to you."


"I'm gonna lay down and die for like half hour okay?"


"There's been some real friction in our friend group lately. I suggest an orgy to save our friendships."


"It's midnight, what do you want?"


"I think I know how to use a bed."


"If I wake up in the morning and I'm dead... Wait."


"You are completely unfit to handle a child."


"We have to get out of this place. It is EVIL."


"Don't you dare throw that snowba-, goddammit!" 

 "Don't you dare throw that snowba-, goddammit!" 

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